Thursday, December 30, 2010

Prayer Buddy Reveal!!

Drumroll please.............. My prayer buddy for Advent 2010 is.......... Alive in Hope! http://alive-in-hope.blogspot.com/
I was so blessed to be able to pray for such an amazing lady. I had already been following her blog for a while, and I have to admit I was a little nervous. This woman is already so holy in my eyes, always with something amazingly positive and Christ centered going on at her blog. I though "what in the world can I pray for her?" There were no prayer requests posted on her blog, and the only thing I knew for sure was that we both have PCOS. So everyday I prayed to St. Joseph and Jesus to take care of her and heal her, I prayed the Rosary for her and asked Our Lord to combine my prayers with hers for whatever she needed during this time. I was having a spiritual war with myself these past few months, and truly praying for Alive in Hope helped me get back to where I need to be. I am very glad that I did get to pray for her this time, and if you havn't had a chance, you should get over there and read her blog!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A very Merry Christmas

So I want to thank all of you for your prayers and kind words.. I think that helped me a lot! After my cry fest, I prayed and prayed and just hoped that I could be happy. And I was. E is amazing, he always makes me laugh and makes me feel like everything will be ok for us.
On Christmas Eve my little sister and her 3 girls spent the night, it was so much fun! We watched Dispicable Me ( if you havn't seen it you must!) and the girls were so excited for Santa to come, so they made sure they were asleep asap! We put out reindeer food in the snow, and put out milk and cookies for Santa. Then they woke us all up early to open their presents. We were just super busy all day, my nephew came over after church and by 3 o'clock the entire family were here for dinner and gifts. There were 18 adults and 22 kids! It was a mad house like usual, but I love it, I love having everyone here to just hang out and enjoy each other. We had lots of wine flowing and tons of food. Christmas was awesome. E got me a Kindle and I love love love it! I love to read, and this was just the best gift ever. The books are about half the price you would pay for in the store, and i don't even have to go anywhere to get my books! :) So Christmas was great, I wasn't sad or upset about anything this year, and having my family surround me with love was just amazing.
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SO I had my follow up meeting with the Crighton lady S, she said that my chart was perfect, and not at all like someone who has PCOS. I had 5 days of good mucus and no unusual anything! I could pinpoint a peak day and so far this cycle is looking the same! I don't really know what's going on with my body, but so far there is nothing that looks "wrong" at all. By the looks of my chart I am a normal fertile gal! So again I'm just waiting for the insurance so I can get all my hormones and what not checked. Because, I know I'm not a normal fertile woman. But it is interesting to view my charts.
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I know I have to reveal my prayer buddy soon.. and I will... but this week is hectic, I'm surprised I found the time to write this.. Gabe is here this week and we are trying to keep busy with him, so I'll post as soon as I can!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The definition of Family

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church a family is defined as : "A man and woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family" This is in the part concerning the fourth commandment. This was what my Familia group was studying this month. When I first read this, I was so distraught. How can this be in the Catechism? Do I not have a family because I don't have children? Are we incomplete? Well, kinda. I have been thinking about this for a while, I know that this was in the fourth commandment which is Honor thy Father and Mother. So of course this has to do with a "family", but it still stings. For some reason I am having a really hard time this year dealing with my IF. This time of year is usually my favorite time of year, but I can't enjoy it. Christmas time is supposed to be joyous and wonderful, I mean for the first time in over 6 years I finally have a white Christmas, but it's not joyous this year. Another year without children. Another year of trying and failing and I just want to give up. I have always dreamed of how awesome it will be to have my own family on Christmas, you know little kids waking you up in the early morning so excited that Santa has come, and making your own Christmas memories. I hate thinking about it, that I may never have this chance. I lost it the other day when I was talking to my mom about Christmas, I just broke down and I hate crying in front of people. She always tells me that everyone is praying for me, but it doesn't seem to be working.
This year has been tough. I still don't have a job, and living here with my parents is starting to be to much. We need to get our own place. I am sick of AF showing up, and I can't stand the positivity that some people have for me. Everyone including E says that it will happen, don't worry, ect... But it hasn't happened, my positive attitude towards my IF is gone. I'm sorry that I've been so depressing lately, but I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm reminded that I don't have a "family" every day. I'm surrounded by families, and kids. Don't get me wrong I love my nieces and nephews and wouldn't change living close by them for anything, but the longer time goes by I worry about if I ever do have kids, they won't have any cousins to play with. All the kids will be grown and mine will be too little to know them. There are so many families and kids at church it's depressing to go sometimes.
I keep praying to St. Joseph every day, I pray to Jesus and Mary, and yet I feel so alone and sad that I don't have a "family". I hope someday that I will just be able to be ok, and not get so upset about this anymore. I don't know if we will ever have what is defined as a family, and I just hope that one day I will be able to accept that.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Threw the storm...

We made it, litteraly. Yesterday we got part of the big blizzard that wreaked havoc out there. We had to bring Gabe back, and I knew that we needed to leave early, but Gabe's mom said that they don't get snow till january,(yeah, cuz she's lived here forever) and Eric didn't understand how bad it could get. So I was right (of course) and the drive that is supposed to take an hour one way, took us 2 to get up there and 3 to get back. And our car is not great in this kind of weather. It slips in the rain! But we didn't have to deal with that much before we moved.
And Saturday was CD 1. I was devestated. Even with the confusion of wether or not I was ready, it just broke my heart. I was holding out hope, I didn't have any cramps before hand, which doesn't happen often, so I kept trying to make believe that it wouldn't happen. But it did. So here is another year gone by with no baby in my arms, no one to call me mommy. Another year that I'm not able to give this gift to my husband. It's depressing sometimes to think about. I was sorta surprised how hurt I was that AF showed up. Some times it's really hard, and others I knew that AF was coming and I'm not putting any pressure on myself. I think that is my problem, I have less symptoms some cycles so I can't help but to think that this could be it. And I had awesome CM this cycle. We timed everything. And yet.... nothing happened. How long can this go on? E keeps telling me I need to be optimistic about it, but then look what happens. I am crushed when AF shows up and I know that there is no point in me being hopeful. None. Sometimes I think that I will never get pregnant. Adoption isn't in the cards for us, so I have no hope.
But something did happen Saturday night. As I was laying in bed I just felt this overwhelming peace start to fall over me, and I just felt that I needed to pray the rosary. So as I was praying, I knew that I had to offer this up. At least for a night I felt better, knowing that my pain is helping someone out there. It doesn't make it easier to deal with, but I know it is a good thing to do.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Confusion

So as I'm waiting for AF to show up, and I know she will, I have been having conflicting thoughts on it. On one hand I can't wait for the day when I finally miss my period and get that big positive! On the other hand I'm wanting us to be able to take a trip in the near future ( I need a job first!) but I don't want to be worried about getting pg. For most people getting pg isn't on their minds daily, and they make plans and just do whatever. But for me I'm always thinking about it. I am always counting the days till my next period, I know what day in my cycle I am and wether or not I've got good CM. I don't want to waste the good CM, so there is always a possiblility ( I guess) of getting pg. I'm afraid that we will miss an opportunity to take a great trip, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to get pg either! And getting pg is so difficult that I don't want to do anything to jepordize my chances in any way. So I am kinda glad AF is coming, but I'm also super sad. Because this is another year that has gone by with no baby. Another year I'm getting older and older and how long will it take?
So I guess I'll just continue to be confused about this whole thing. Anyone else ever feel this way? It kinda sucks because I've wanted nothing else for so long, and now I just don't know if I'm ready. Obviously financially we are not ready, but other than that how much longer can my body reject getting pg? Well, our new insurance should be kicking in sometime in Jan, and I'll be getting more tests done to check all my hormones. But I wonder if I should just wait? Should we wait till we are more settled, till we've taken a big trip that we have wanted to do for a long time? Really why does this have to be so complicated? Normal people don't ever have to worry about things like this. Normal people can wait till they are ready and just poof! be pg, no problemo. Sorry prayer buddy, you've got a lot of work ahead of you!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I love the winter time. Not so much the cold, but the snow and the grey skies. I mean the cold is almost unbareable at times, but if your inside its awesome! It's been a really long time since I've had a "real" winter. Christmas time just isn't the same with out it. We got our first snow over the weekend, and E and I had such a fun time. We built a snowman and went sled riding in the back yard. Poor E has never built a real snowman. When we were in Vegas, we had a freak snow storm one year, and E made the funkiest snowman I have ever seen, we also didn't have enough snow.. lol. But it was great to share this with E, to be there for a new experience with him. Here is our snowman.

The Christmas time brings a funk to my thoughts along with all the magic of the season. Being IF brings thoughts that are I think a little unhealthy. Every year, as Christmas comes closer and my cycle comes to its end, I keep hoping that this Christmas will be IT!!! I daydream about surprising E on Christmas morning with a BFP and how exciting and amazing it will be. I can't help it, but these thoughts come every year. Then right before Christmas Aunt Flow comes along and ruins everything. She's on her way, and for the first time, I'm not sure when. My cycles have been getting shorter, and if its the same as last time, today should be it. It's a little annoying, because I have always been regular, I know exactly what day AF will come. But for the past 6 months or so, it's been off a little. My cylces have been shorter, then normal (for me) then shorter again. Ugh!!

Anyway, besides the funk, I'm happy to be home for Christmas time. It's cold and snowy and yucky outside. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? ;) I have a possible job opening up for me, so please pray that I get it. And to my prayer buddy, since I can't write to you to tell you this, I will be praying for you tonight at Mass and during Adoration. Have a wonderful day everyone! :)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Big O

No not that O girls! lol I mean Ovulation. I think it happened. Maybe it happened. This Chrighton class is really great, and I have never checked out my mucus pattern like this before. Doing the NFP I was always waiting for my temps to rise and fall, and they never did, so E and I never were able to plan our "relations" around the time of possible ovulation. But here I am checking my mucus and for the past 3 days I've got fertile type mucus! OMG!! I never thought that I had any, but I really wasn't checking correctly. I am super excited about this. I mean I may have some really screwed up hormones, and nothing will come of this, but it's exciting to know that I do have some good mucus! On the other hand, its been 6 years and I have never conceived, and it can't be all just because of bad timing. So my hopes aren't up too high, but I've never been much of a Debbie Downer, so I'm a smidgen hopeful. :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful

As Thanksgiving approaches I thought it would be a good idea to actually write out what it is that I am thankful for this year. It's been a hard year, but I think I am starting to find my way again.

I am thankful for my family
I am thankful that we were able to get out of our house with minimal damage to our credit
I am thankful for my parents for letting us live with them right now
I am thankful that I was able to find a good Dr. who correctly diagnosed my pcos
I am thankful for my IF support group here on these blogs :)
I am thankful for my husband
I am thankful for my step-son
I am thankful that I have food to eat and warm clothes to wear
I am thankful that E was able to find a job and that we can pay our bills
I am thankful to be alive
I am thankful for my faith

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Lost...

Yeah, I really don't have a good title for this one. Life has just been passing by, not much going on. I have been busy somewhat with my family. My little sister comes over almost daily with her 3 girls. Her husband is being shipped off to Iraq in December, and he is in OK right now for training. Her middle daughter is my goddaughter. I have also been babysitting for my oldest sister from time to time, she pays me which is nice, because I still do not have a job!
I am starting to feel the pressure of not working. E tells me not to worry, he is working lots and we have the $ to pay our bills. But we do want to get our own place. It's nice living with family sometimes, I mean we don't have any house payments, or utilities to pay. My mom makes dinner almost every night for us. But it is hard following other peoples rules, I mean we have had our own place for 6 years and to now be under our parents "rules" its gets hard sometimes. I have been applying everywhere I can find, but nothing is happening. I know I have to trust in the Lord, but I am having a hard time right now.
I feel almost helpless. I don't feel close to Him right now, I feel that my prayers are empty and there is just no direction in my life. This is really hard for me to feel this way. Whenever I pray, I have this closeness to the Lord that I love and I can feel him guiding me. But now, I don't. I don't know where to go, or what to do. I'm just lost. This IF thing is driving me crazy. Everywhere I turn there are families. I live in a relatively small town, that is very family oriented and everyone has kids. All I see at church, and the store, and the neighborhood are moms with their kids. There seems to be this divide between women who are moms and those who are not. If I go out with my sisters, I almost get ignored to a point because I don't have any kids, I guess I don't have anything in common with them, so they talk and talk to my sisters, and don't even bother asking me anything. I know I'm a little sensitive, but it's there, and I hate it. And when we finally are able to get our own place, where do we move to? My mom keeps telling me I should stay here in this town, but I don't want to buy a home in a kid run place. I don't want to live like I may someday have kids, so I need to buy something to get ready for it. I don't want to be the outcast on my street. I am sick of living like "someday it may happen". I just want to live my life the way it is. There is still so much for us to do, but the realities are that I may never have children. IT may never happen. What then? I have a huge house with no one to fill it? I don't want that to be me. I saw an episode of house hunters on hgtv and there was this young couple wanting a big 4 bedroom house because they were going to start trying for babies as soon as they had a house. I laughed when I heard that, maybe I'm a little cynical but how naive to think that you can just get pg whenever you want. It doesn't happen like that for allot of us. I hate it. I hate the PCOS. I hate that I have to try so hard.
Sorry for the cry fest over here, I just needed to get it out!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Baaaad morning!

Ok so I'm blaming this one on AF. She isn't here yet, but she is definitely on her way! I think I might be over emotional regarding this situation.
Here it is: I have my first Familia class tonight. The title is "Called to Authentic Feminism" When my cousin posted about this class on her FB page, all she said was that it was for all women. It sounds like a wonderful class, and my older sister has done a few of the Familia classes and loved them. So after I get the workbook in the mail I notice a few things. One is that this is part of the "Motherhood" series, and Two, the opening prayer that we are to pray is all about thanking God for letting us be mothers! This bothered me a little bit when I first noticed these things, but I assumed that surely not everyone going were mothers. Yesterday my cousin sent out an email about the class, and just for fun (maybe a little creepy?) I checked out her FB to see who all these women are, and to make sure at least one of them isn't a mother! Wrong, wrong, wrong! All of them have toddlers! Every single one! And to top it all off one of them is pregnant with her first child, and she just got married 2 months ago!
I lost it last night, I just keep thinking that this will become a baby fest and all they will want to talk about is what their two year old did that day. Maybe I'm being over dramatic here, but I just wanted to be apart of a good Catholic group of women who I could be friends with, and learn about our faith. I feel like as I get older, everyone either has babies, or if they don't it's because 1) they don't want them, or 2) they are engaged or newly married and are expecting to conceive soon.
I would love to have some friends who aren't always talking about their kids, or on the other side, talking bad about people who do have kids. Is there a happy medium in this? I'm just not sure where my life is going right now. Ugh!

Anywhay, I was thinking about how this would be a good opportunity to offer this up to Him for all of you and all who are suffering. But I'm really not sure how. I mean I can say it, but do I really offer it up? Am I supposed to feel different when I do? I guess all I can do is try, and hopefully tonight won't be as bad as I think.

Monday, October 11, 2010

My Prayer

There seems to be allot of emotional distress round these parts lately. My self included. Some times the burden of IF seems to much to handle and I am so glad we are all here to give each other support. It reminds us that we are not alone with this.
Every day I pray for all of you, and every Sunday during Mass I pray the same prayer for all of you, and maby selfishly, myself.

Dear Lord,
please protect those of us struggling with IF. Help us to know that You are there for us and have not abandoned us. Help us all find peace with whatever life you have in store for us. Bring us courage and strength for the pain and suffering we must endure. And if it be your will, please let every one of us experience motherhood, either threw natural ways or adoption. Please let us all experience being called "Mommy" and sharing your love with the world. Please Lord let us all enjoy this gift you have given to women, that would bring us to feel complete in our womanhood.
Amen.


I hope this prayer brings us all the peace that we so desperately need. :) And some babies too!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just stuff.

This post isn't about anything in particular. Just blogging to blog! :)
I'll get some pics up this weekend of my beautiful surroundings. I did find some pics of the trails that we jog on online, I find it difficult to jog with a camera in hand! lol I couldn't find any pics of the trial in the fall, but these will have to do:



and another one:



Did I ever mention I love the Fall time? It is so beautiful with the changing of the leaves, I never get tired of looking at the trees! I know I'm a dork! haha.

My cousin has started a Familia class that will start next week. It's called "Called to Authentic Feminism" I am super excited to join this group of women and really be surrounded by good Catholic women IRL. My cousin is a few years older, so when we were younger we didn't hang out much. But now that we are all adults, it's nice that we can be friends. My cousin has an adopted son, her husband has some issue with his sperm, so again its going to be great to be around people who have a sense of what I am going through, and also are like minded. I can't wait to tell you all about this class and what we have learned. Have any of you ever done this class?

I am still looking for work. I wonder what the Lord has in store for me.. I have applied at numerous places, many of which I should have been more than qualified for, and I have gotten a few emails back saying they have gone with other people, or I just haven't heard anything back at all. I have complete faith in the Lord that he will get us threw this time and there is a way for us to survive! He has a plan for us and I just have to be patient. But is it wrong that I hate waiting!? ;)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Country Living!!

I love it!! I am lovin living in the country right now. It's peaceful and quiet. I love the trees and the birds. I could do without the mosquito's though. I've gotten bitten so much in the past few weeks it's insane! No one else gets bit, just me. I guess I've got super sweet blood! lol. But I think I might be allergic to the bites. I've gotten quite a few that have swelled up to the size of a golf ball. That is one of my only complaints. The other is that we are about 15-20 min from the nearest grocery store. But since we aren't really doing any shopping right now, it's not bad!
I love our new church. It's a relatively new church in the area. Everyone used to have to go to the next town over for Mass, but about 5 years ago the demand was so great for a Catholic church in the area, a local farm donated part of it's land for a new church. It's plain and ugly inside, but the priest is wonderful! The music is horrific, but thankfully the priest makes up for that. He tells it like it is, and is really on fire for the faith. Every Sunday we pray for the end to ab.or.ti.on . Fr prays for us to all to accept God's will for our lives and to ask God every day for His help. Now if we could just get rid of the "choir" it would be the best church I've ever been to! ;)
I've been busy babysitting for all my sisters. I've had to let them all know that I need to look for real work and that I can't babysit every single day. But I don't mind helping out. I love my nieces and nephews. They are all so cute and fun to be around. And we are so close to Gabe. We get to pick him up 2 weekends a month. We meet halfway so it's only an hour drive.
I've also been jogging! I never jog, and NEVER run! I hate running. But I can jog around the neighborhood and not worry about stray dogs, or crazy drivers. My sister C and I also go to the park to jog, and its wonderful. I love to be in the park with all the trees and little creeks and ponds! Jogging has gotten easier and I think I might be loosing some lbs! I don't have a scale, but I have a pair of jeans that are fitting a little bit better!
Well, It's my step dads birthday today so I've got to go make a cake for him while he's out! Happy Monday all! :)

Friday, September 24, 2010

All in the Family

These are the only facts that I knew about my family. My Grandmother only had one child. My mother. She had several miscarriages and the doctors told her she had to have a hysterectomy. When I first realized there was a problem with me I tried to talk to my G-ma about it, i wanted to know if there was any family history that I should know to tell the Drs. G-ma said no that it was nothing that is just what they did back then.
The other day I was talking to my G-ma and she tells me that she had cysts on her ovaries and the Dr.'s said that is probably why she had so many miscarriages and had to have a hysterectomy. OMG!!! Really!! I knew that I couldn't be the only one with PCOS. There are so many women in my family it just didn't make sense that no one else had PCOS. Of course no one knew what that was 60 + years ago, but I had asked my G-ma and my mom several times about G-ma's IF issues. My mom then tells me that G-ma's sister only had 2 children and it was very difficult for her to even have 2! Also my mom's cousin was told she couldn't have children. They adopted one and did actually get pg and have one child of their own. But no one will talk about what was wrong, what did the Dr's say ... nothing.
I just want to know that I am not a mutant in the family! It sometimes gets really hard when all of my sisters have so many children, and easily get pg. My mom does this healing prayer in her parish. People come from all over IN and OH to come see her and the other ministers here. She has wanted me to do the healing prayer because she thought that she was the reason that I have PCOS. She was such an emotional mess when she was pg with me, she said she was near suicidal. This was when she found out my father was having an affair and was basically going to leave her with nothing and 5 children to care for. So when I found out about my G-ma I told my mom that its just what I knew it had to be.. It's hereditary! Everywhere I read says that a women who has PCOS also has a grandmother, mother, or sister who also has PCOS.
I just wanted to know where it came from! Now I do, and as soon as we get insurance again I'll be able to give all the facts to my Dr.

Oh, and BTW E got a job!!! whoo whooo! It doesn't pay as much as we'd like, but it's a start and we are very blessed that he was able to get a job so quickly. Thank you all who prayed for us. :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

AF ... always on time.

I have been so busy since we got here! And also only one computer for the entire household, and my mother is working from home while her new office is being built, so computer time is limited! lol
This past weekend was great because we got to pick up Gabe for the weekend. We are only 2 & 1/2 hours away so we meet halfway, and it's not a bad drive. There was a church festival this weekend, so we went there with my family. Gabe had a blast, there were rides and food and music. On Friday night Elvis was there! lol I think it's pretty funny that all the time I lived in Vegas I have never seen an Elvis impersonator, and I move to IN and I get to see one in concert! lol :)
The first weekend we were here, my Uncle Bob, (who is actually a cousin) is a Priest. He comes to visit the family once a year and luckily I was here this time. I haven't seen him in over 7 years. We had dinner for him and afterwards he did some healing prayer on those of us who wanted it. So my mom pushes me forward to get prayed over for the IF issues. I have never had anyone pray over me for this situation or asked anyone for prayers for help in this area of my life. I am so glad that Fr Bob was able to pray over me. I felt lifted up and refreshed when he was done. It was really just an amazing experience. When there is something wrong with you and someone who is Holy prays over you and asks God to help you with it, it's wonderful.
But at the same time I think it put an unrealistic ideals into my head. I knew that AF was coming soon, but I didn't have allot of PMS or any of my usual symptoms. On our move, I kept thinking that this was the month it would happen! I just knew that I was pg. Maby that is also because everyone kept telling me that as soon as I moved they just knew that I would get pg. So I was hopeful. Then I get prayed over and I am just ecstatic that this is the month! this is it! But it wasn't.
This past Friday AF showed up. I knew it would because I started cramping on Thursday and I'm charting and it all pointed to AF coming to town. This was a hard one for me. Sometimes AF doesn't bother me. I mean I hate when it shows up because it's another failed month, but I'm aware that it will be there and I'm not thinking that I could be pg. So those months I am ok. But then on times like this where I feel that this is the time, somehow I just know that I am pg, and AF shows up... It's horrible. I feel like a failure. I start to wonder when or if I will ever be pg. Will I be an old mother? will I ever be a mother at all? Lots of questions clog up my mind, and I have to make myself stop thinking about these things. I have to pray and remind myself to put all my trust in Him. It is very hard. But I try and try to not get depressed about it.
I am super happy though that I was prayed over by such a wonderful Priest. I am trying not to get my hopes up though right now. If the prayers work that would be awesome, but I also know that we don't always get everything that we pray for.

Well, now I'm being kicked off the computer! It's time for me and my mom's daily walk around the neighborhood. :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

10 Things About me....

So I was tagged by Some how, Some way, Some day , I'm not sure if I have 10 things to say ... but I'll try! :)

1. I love love love to read. I love to read almost anything, give me a book and a cup of coffee, and I'm set for life! :) My favorite type of books are mystery, murder and love. A book with all three.. even better!

2. I'm not a big fan of Restaurants. I love to cook my own food. I can see a recipe on tv or if we eat out, I can always make a better version of it at home. I love cooking, I love to make lots of food and feed everyone till they are stuffed and then give them more food! I get very upset if someone doesn't eat the food that I make. I can't help it!

3. I was home-schooled most of my life. And I loved it! I was home schooled 1-3,8th and 11 & 12th grade,I went to Catholic school 4-7 and the public high school for 9-10. I hated school. I am very disorganized, and have ADD. Homeschooling was perfect for me and I learned so much more than at "regular" school. I never missed out on social events, and knew everyone at "regular" school before I even went!

4. I love spending time with my husband. Well.. maby you already know that! I could spend all day with him just hanging out doing nothing, and be completely happy. We make each other laugh all the time and can talk for hours. If we were stranded on a deserted island together, alone, I would never get tired of being with him. :)

5. I have road rage. Bad! I hate being behind slow people, and beep my horn if you get in my way! I yell alot in the car, and people are usually surprised to hear me say that. I am pretty calm around most people. I do have a fiery temper that flares up and then dies down pretty quick. Sometimes I have to make myself drive in the slow lane and not think about the people around me so I can stay calm. It's pretty bad. I speed alot and so far since I've started driving have only had one ticket! not bad! :)

6. I have 6 sisters, one brother and one step-brother. So far there is 23 grand kids, with one on the way, and one great grandchild. I love having a big family, lots of babies to cuddle on! :)

7. I really don't care about having a career. I know that sounds so bad, but I don't. I love being a wife, and hopefully someday a mother. My job is just a job. I don't like being stressed out at work, and I don't really want to be anything specific. I want to take care of my family, I want to make dinner and do the laundry and keep my house nice for my husband. I work because I have to, not because I want to.

8. I have a hard time saying no. I hate to hurt others feelings by saying no. When I tell someone no, I always feel like they are so disappointed in me and are upset that I can't help them. I've been working on it, but then if I do say no, I feel so guilty that I end up doing something else for the person that I really don't want to just so they feel better!

9. I am very clumsy. I have no real talents other than cooking. My handwriting is horrible, I'm messy, I can't sew or draw or make anything look nice except for food. I do an awesome presentation every time! Other than that, everything I touch looks messy. No matter how nice or neat I try to make something it always ends up looking like a 5 year old did it. Like wrapping presents, I think I do a good job, but then when I'm done and see the finished project, it looks terrible! lol.

10. I'm not a huge fan of sports. I like watching the UFC. I got way into that years ago and watch it all the time. I know the moves and what's going on. E and I watch every one, and the show on S.pike TV. I kinda like football but I don't get that into it. I played soccer twice a year for 8 years, and loved it. But I hate watching it, it's boring!

11. I love animals. They are so innocent and they need us to take care of them. I'm a sucker for sad eyes. I wish that animals could talk and let us know what it is that they need. I wish that our pets lived as long as we do. I hate losing a pet, I never get over it entirely. I always feel guilty that I didn't spend enough time with them. I really hope that my pets will be in heaven. Even though I know that they don't have souls, I don't think it says in the Bible anything about what happens to our pets when they die. So I'm hopeful! :)

Well, I guess I did have a few things to say! lol :)

Monday, September 13, 2010

I'm Baaack!!

We finally made it!! We left on Tuesday Sept 7th and got here on Friday Sept 10th.
It wasn't as bad a trip as I was worried about. Actually it was really nice! E and I took our time driving, stopped whenever we needed to. We saw some interesting things, and got to see the country! :) I'm really glad that I got to do this with E.
We started the trip with rain, and ended with rain! It rained almost the entire trip. Poor E was waiting all summer for rain, and it finally did the day we left! lol. But once we got to the Hoover Dam it stopped and was beautiful all the way till we got to OK. Sorry Sara, but OK was the worst part of the trip! As we were driving into OK from TX you could see a huge black cloud that didn't stop as far as you could see. One min it was sunny and literally as we drove into OK it started to rain! Then it poured down and as night time came it was foggy and really hard to see anything! That was scary for me, I hate driving in the fog, if it was just rain it would have been better, but we made it threw, and had to stop in Oklahoma City for the night because it was just to hard to drive in that! It was still raining in the morning, but not as bad, and rained the entire rest of the trip.
But the creepiest place to drive threw was definitely TX! All I could think of as we were driving threw was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre! I know that I shouldn't be scared of that, but it was a true story!!!
I kept thinking that we were going to get pulled over by some hillbilly cop who would kill us and eat us! It was very scary, there was nothing around for miles, and once in a while there was a old scary looking restaurant or house all by itself. Luckily we didn't have to stop in TX at all. We passed up this one little town, and I mean little! Like you could see it from beginning to end. There was one street, a few houses, a church, restaurant, motel, and gas station. There was no way I could imagine anyone actually wanting to stay there! They probably served people burgers at the restaurant! And as we were driving by there was a junk yard on the side of the freeway, full of all types of cars. There was a huge barn and a big building that I think might have been a silo or something like that, but it was old and had some windows broken out of the barn, and next to all the broken cars, there were semi trucks all beat up and broken. Now that didn't freak me out till I saw what looked like a new Fed Ex truck broken down in the junk yard. It was still white, but the back was all beat up. That is when my imagination just took off. I decided that the people in this town prey on people who's vehicles break down or maby go to the restaurant, and take them to the barn and that is where they kill em and eat em! AHHH!! IT was super scary driving threw that area. I was so glad when we finally made it to a city! lol.

We also saw alot of beautiful scenery. At one point as we were driving into a storm there was a HUGE rainbow that you could see from start to finish. It was the most brilliant beautiful rainbow I have ever seen in my life. You could make out every single color, like someone took markers and just drew them into the sky. It was hard to take your eyes off of it. E got a pic as he was driving, but it just didn't do it justice. And as I was looking at it, it turned out there was a double rainbow, the second one was fainter but still that was the most beautiful thing I've seen.

I'm really happy that we made the trip and got to see so much of God's beautiful country that He gave us. It really was an amazing trip. Once we saw the sign for Indiana, it was like YESSS!!! We made it! It still feels like we are on vacation though.
Oh, and thank you Prayer Buddy for all your prayers, E got a call while we were on the road for a job! He did the phone interview on Friday and has the in person interview on Wednesday! Were keeping our fingers crossed! :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Last post .. (for now)

So the time has come for us to disconnect the internet and pack up our computer. The movers are coming tomorrow morning to pick up all our stuff, and we will be on the road Tuesday afternoon. All the paperwork for the house has been signed and we are offically out! I thank St. Joseph everyday that we were able to sell the house in this market. Its a miracle that the bank accepted the offer and we were able to get out of this house.
I havn't been commenting much but I sure have been reading the blogs every chance I get! You girls are so awesome and I am so glad that I have you all in my life! :)
We figure it will take 3-4 days to get to our final destination. We weren't able to find a transporter cheap enough for us to use, so we are going with our original plan to drive both vehicles. I'm not quite as nurvous as I was about it before, so I've been praying everyday that we just have a safe drive.

E and I were talking the other day about our move and I told him I'm a little concerned about all the people out there asking about why don't I have kids ect.. and he said to just tell them that his sperm chase their tails! We cracked up about that and I said I'll tell em that my eggs are scrambled and see what they say about that! lol :)
I'm super excited to be moving closer to my family, and I'm glad E is there with me. My family is ready for us to get there already.
Please keep us in your prayers for a safe trip and as soon as I get to my parents house I will be on this blog to catch up with you all! :)

Monday, August 30, 2010

Greetings from my Cold Room!

YAY Its Monday! (Sike!) I am so ready to be done with work already!!!
Anyway, the day after my last post about how our a/c broke, we bought a standing a/c for just our bedroom so at least we could sleep. We found it real cheap on Craigs list. I love that site, we have sold so many things and bought some great stuff on there, like our Roomba. That thing is amazing! So for a few days only our room was cool, and the rest of the house was 99 all day and night! Finally yesterday it started to cool off and it was only 98 outside today! So thankful that we were able to find this portable a/c! :) It really has been such a help.
We are almost done packing, and I say almost because we keep finding things to pack that for some reason we didn't know we even had! lol Our giveaway pile is getting huge too. I think we are pretty much ready to go, but I'm still not feelin the drive out there. We heard from some friends about another way to ship our car, and might be cheaper, so we just started looking into that, hopefully (praying*) that we find someone who is cheap enough for us.

So Saturday we had an interesting evening. You IFrs will love this one.
We went out to dinner with some friends of ours. Were not really good friends, but we've bbq'd together and hung out a few times. We met this couple at the RCIA when E came fully into the Church. Right away we thought she was a little off in the head, but she just leached onto us like we could be her only friends there. When we met her boyfriend (who is Catholic and they are living together and she has kids and they are not even close to getting married!) we really liked him. Their living situation is a little annoying to me though. They are quite a few years older than us, but we all got along for the most part. I have a little beef with her. She is very inappropriate, and I think disrespectful towards me sometimes. It's very subtle, but it is there and E sees it too. She had made a comment about a text that E sent on accident to her and then gave him a hi-five, it was super awkward, E was uncomfortable, and her boyfriend was a little red in the face! That pissed me off, but then she asked me about the baby making situation.
I gave a brief sum up of what was going on, and then she says to me
"When you move it will just happen, you'll be relaxed and that is always when it happens. Always when the woman is relaxed they just get pregnant!"
So that comment alone, I probably would have laughed in my head about it, but I was already so annoyed with her that I wanted to rip her arm off and slap her with it! For sure I am not going to miss these people!! Most of the night was fun and we had a good time, but for that few moments during dinner, I wanted to just leave.
Why did we go out with them? Like I said we like him, and she's ok when she's not being rude, and we haven't been out in a while, and they were paying with some comps they got for the restaurant. So I put up with it for a nice free meal! HAHA! :) So yeah, I put my self in the situation, but never again! That was too much to deal with.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My Prayer Buddy is Awesome!!! :)

I just want to say thanks so much to my prayer buddy WheelbarrowRider at Life from Inside the Wheelbarrow. I got your gift in the mail the other day and it is so so nice! Thank you~! :)
She sent me this book on ST Gerard, I didn't know that much about him, but now I've learned about his life and why he is the patron saint of motherhood. Also St Gerard is from the same area in Italy that my family is from! I just thought that was pretty cool! Also she sent some beautiful holy cards, one of st Gerard, and another to St Raphael, and one with a prayer to the Holy Spirit. Another little thing that I just think is so neat, is that Raphael is a family name! My Grandmother is Raffaella, and several other people in my family have the name. I know I;m a dork, but I think stuff like that is so neat! Thank you so much for the gifts! :)

I am reading all your blogs but not able to make alot of comments, we are really trying to get everything packed and ready to go for the move, and yesterday the air conditioner broke! It is 100 degrees inside the house! It will cost us $1200.00 to fix and we just don't have the $$ to do it! We are going to have to work something out with the buyers... ugh! But you are all in my thoughts and prayers every day, and I'm going to try to post and comment as much as possible before the move, then i;ll be taking a week or so off to get settled in.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

moving!

We have a moving date! Finally! Sept 7th. After the holiday craziness on the roads we are outta here! We still have so much to pack up and get the cars ready for the trip.. it's exhausting just thinking about it. We found a moving company that is relativly cheap $800.00 and to save $1000.00 we are both driving. I really wanted to transport one of the cars, but E just won't have it. He said it costs way to much, but I'm being a baby about it because I hate driving. I don't mind it for a little bit, but I've done this drive before and it sucks! Actually I've done it twice. Once threw the north, and once threw the south. The north is way more boring! No offense to anyone who lives in KS but it was like driving in the twilight zone! Nothing around as far as the eye could see and it really was the longest part of the trip.
So we are going the southern route. Threw AZ, NM, TX, OK, I think part of MO? and IL and IN. Total of 29 hours 1 min per mapquest. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it! ugh!
Anywhay, I gave my two weeks at work, and my boss is very upset. If you remember I quit about 5 months ago to another job for more $$ that turned out to be horrible, and my boss finally offerd me a raise to come back, so I did and now 3 months later I'm leaving again. This time for good. He offerd me more $$, he offerd my hubbs a job, anything to get us to stay! He said what the heck is out there? people move from there to Vegas, not the other way around! lol I felt soo bad, but its what we've wanted and its for the best! We prayed about this for years! I always asked that if we were supposed to move that the oppertunity would present itself, and it did, so we took it. I'm not having any doughts about moving, I'm just nervouse! :)

So Tuesday was CD1. sigh. I knew it was coming, but it was another 28 day cycle, wich is wierd for me to have 2 short cycles so close together. Usually I only have one short one a year. But this time I also didn't have bad cramps. I had some, but not enough to make me feel sick or tired. I also wasn't very grumpy or sad or anything! Well, in the morning I was, but I think that was because of the situation, not AF. There is construction going on right in front of my office, and I didn't know about it, so getting off the highway I turned to go to work, and the road was closed! I could only go back onto the highway! I was soo mad, and right there there isn't an exit close by to turn around at, I had to drive pretty far to turn around and then I was late! I was grumpy then for a little bit, but most of the day I was pretty happy! Maby it's all the vitamins? or the diet?

Speaking of diet, I'm still working on it. It is hard to go low GI. Sometimes I'm not even sure what to eat! There doesn't seem to be a clear cut way of eating low GI. I know lots of veggies, and fruits, and legumes. I can have pasta thank goodness! So mostly I'm eating low carb, and the carbs I do eat is mainly the pasta because I know I can eat that!

Happy Anniversary to all you bloggers out there this month! Ther sure is alot of you!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Playing Hooky

I played hooky from work yesterday and I'm so glad I did! Eric had flown Gabe back to his mom's Sat, and he didn't get back till Sunday night. So I had the entire weekend to myself. I don't mind being alone, and it was nice to be in a quiet place for a day. I bought some wine and a magazine and had a relaxing night to myself. But I missed Eric so much. I hate being away from him, and truthfully I'm scared of the dark. I had a hard time going to sleep without him being here.
I was so happy to see him get home on Sunday night, but it was pretty late and we stayed up all night talking and cuddling! ;) heehee.
So upon waking on Monday morning my alarm goes off and Eric says, "why don't you just stay home today?" I pondered this for a while, my body said "yes stay home and in bed!" but my guilt about not being at work to take care of my accounts wanted me to just suck it up and go in. But I decided to listen to my tired body and my heart, and stayed home with the hubbs! We slept in and then went to the Mountains to take a hike in nature. I love being outside in the fresh air. I hate the dirt and bugs, but other than that I love the outdoors. :) We were both pretty tired, and didn't make it too far up the mountain, actually we dilly dallied around and just talked and leisurely strolled around the woods. It was so relaxing and wonderful to just spend the day with my hubbs. He is awesome, so loving and kind. He's really the best! :)
I don't feel guilty at all now for taking the day off. Being with my husband was the best day ever! :)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Prayer Buddy Reveal!

This summer I was very excited to get to pray for
Transformed Hearts @ http://transformedhearts.blogspot.com/
I had never read her blog before, so it was really nice getting to know someone new!
TH is so cute, and such a great mommy. She has one little girl that is absolutly adorable, and another girl on the way! I have been praying to Our Lady of Lourdes for her, for her health, so she can stay cancer free and to continue being a great mom, for her baby's health, and her daughters happiness. Also her cat Bella... ;)
TH is such a sweet and wonderful person, I'm very glad I got paired up with her this season. :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What's that pain? and other stuff...

It's been tooo long since I've been on here! I have had some awesome posts in my head, but have been too exhausted to post! Work got really stressfull for a while there and it just wiped me out!
We are also getting ready for Gabe to go back to his mom's house this weekend. :( It was amazing having him here for the summer. We have had such a good time. But I'll post about that this weekend.
I have to post about this little pain I was getting last week in my lower abdomen on the right side, then it moved to the left side, then back to the right side. This lasted for 2 days on days 14 & 15 of my cycle. During this time I also was having some nice CM and my temps started elevating! Could this mean I ovulated!? Or my body is trying to ovulate? Something for sure was going on down there and I'm not positive. My temps were like this
Day 12: 97.9
Day 13: 98.1
Day 14: 98.1
Day 15: 98.0
Day 16: 98.1
Day 17, 18, 19 and 20 : 98.2
and today Day 21: 97.9

This is amazing for my temps to be like this. They hardly ever go up so high and for so long! Something is definatly changing down there but again I'm not positive, and maby it was just this once. We'll see for next cycle, but I just went over my charts and since I've been back at charting my temps are getting better with each cycle!
I've been taking my Thyroid medication, a multi vitamin. Vit D, & B6 for the last 4 cycles. I've been trying to excersize daily and keep up the low GI diet. It's not easy but I'm definatley encouraged by my chart results!

Oh and I just wanted to say also that I have the best Hubby and step son in the world! I was so stressed last week with work, and Gabe kept brining up his new little sister that he is going to have, and I just lost it one night and broke down crying to E. So E and Gabe decided to surprise me on the weekend with something nice. They blindfolded me in the car and drove me to an undisclosed place... When they took off the blindfold I was at a Massage place! I have never been before, and I'm definatly going to go again! I had a 90 min Swedish Hot Stone Massage! AMAZING!!! If you have never had one you have to go! It is so worth it! I got everything massaged from my head to my fingertips to my toes! Who knew that you could build up stress in your toes! I felt like butter afterwards. It was the best gift I've ever gotten! :)

Now I've gotta go spend some more time with Gabe before he leaves me! :(

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Just a Bug...

So I definatly had some kind of 24 hour bug or something.. I did not POAS because I was pretty positive that it would be a waste. But the hope is still alive that someday it will happen! :) Really I felt better the next day and have been fine all week. Also I do take my temps and they were not in the right area for any positive test. But on that note, they have gone up a smigen!
Last cycle they went up for a few days which almost never happens, but promptly plummeted down to IF status. But, at the end of my cycle I did have a wierd rise in my temps a few days before AF came. So far this cycle, my temps have been alright. My temps used to be around 96.5 or so, but for the past few cycles they have been around 97.7, and today it was up to 98.0! whoo whooo! That means something right? I'm on day 12 and already starting to have some nice CM. It's been so rare for the last few months, I can't help but to get excited for it! lol.

I have to get my bloodwork for my thyroid this week, I'll probably go on Friday. I have shows to watch during the week that keep me up to late to get it done before work. The lab opens at 5, so I usually get there about 6 and make it to work by 8. There is a lab halfway between my house and my office, and it takes FOREVER to get anything done there, but it is the closest one to my work, so I kinda have to go to that one. I'm pretty sure we'll have to up the meds again, and hopefully my doc will give me enough prescription to last till after we move and I can get a new doc.

Speaking of moving, we really don't know when we are leaving. Our closing date was supposed to have been July 25th. But a few weeks before, the bank counterd us, and wanted us to pay some astranomical closing costs. We told them to suck it and that we weren't paying them a dime, ok really we didn't say that, but thats what we wanted to say! ;) So after we counterd back, it took them 2 weeks to get back to our Realtor, and they accepted our offer. So we don't owe anything, which is amazing. We are really lucky.
So now we have to wait for the investors, and the Bank to call us. After they call us it will be another 3 weeks for the new closing date. So it may be another month or 2 before we actually move outta here!

I'm ready to move, but the longer we stay the more $$ we'll be able to save for the move and to last us a while till we find new jobs. It's been hard trying to find jobs accross the country, and not knowing when we'll even be out there. So I'm probably not allowed to do this, but Prayer Buddy if you can please pray that we'll be able to find jobs when we move, that would be great! :)

Happy Sunday everyone, and have a great week! :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It could happen .. Right?

Have you ever seen that show I didn't know I was Pregnant? . Today I couldn't help but to think would if that is me? This is what happened. Yesterday I woke up super sick. My stomach hurt so bad, I was nauseous all day, then again this morning. I have had cramps almost all day like I'm going to start my period. Of course I'm not because I already had my period last week. But I'm telling E and he is worried about me being so sick, so he tells me that I must be pregnant! What! So I amuse him and ask why he thinks that. Here is his logic... You can be pregnant and still have a period, and my period was very short only 2 days and no spotting like normal afterwards, why else would I have morning sickness, and cramps?
OMG I'm married to a crazy person! I laughed at him and he said I should take a test when I get home from work. I shrugged it off but all anyone has to do is plant a seed into my IF mind and it goes running off like a race horse!
I of course know that E's logic is nonsense, but I couldn't help but to think what if? Maby I'm about to give birth and have no idea! Maby the cramps are contractions! I could be anywhere and all of a sudden pop out a baby! According to this show it has happened! ;)
The cramping has subsided, but it was weird. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I'm kinda disappointed that this wasn't happening a week ago and I could of hoped that I would be late to actually finally take a PGTest. I have never taken one. I've never been late, I've never had a chance to take a test. Even if it came back with a BFN I would like to just have that little bit of hope that it could happen..

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Bizzaro World

Ok so I havn't left you all! Ive just been very busy, with work, we had a slumber party for the entire weekend (whew! glad thats over!) and a birthday party. I'll be all caught up soon I promise! Thanks for all your advice girls! I went ahead and bought the b6 and mucinex and I'll keep you posted on how that goes! :)
So to the title of my post... As I get closer to my period I always feel like I'm in a Bizzaro world. I am normally a very positive, happy the glass is half full kind of person. Nothing really bothers me and I always wonder why people get so upset about the littlest things. Don't get me wrong, I have that bad Italian temper that gets the best of me, but that sizzles and dies pretty quick. So the past week, I've been so crazy in my head, getting upset at everything, I can't hardly muster a genuine laugh I'm so upside down. It only lasts a week, but I am a completely different person during this week. I get these crazy cravings for chocolate, chips and pasta. Every little thing annoys me to the point where sometimes I have to go be by myself because I don't want to be mean to anyone. E says its not all that bad, but in my mind I can feel this huge difference in how I think and feel about things, I hate it.
Yesterday was cd1 and my cramps were so bad I had to stay home from work. I slept most of the day with a heating pad on.

Gabe's birthday was on Tuesday, and we had a little party for him, it was alot of fun, but his mother had to ruin it for me. (I told you, I was in my bizzaro mood) She had sent him a birthday card with a picture of her ultrasound in it! WTH!! REally!? every time she calls she always tells him that he's going to be a big brother.. yadda, yadda, yadda. I saw that pic and almost threw up. I couldn't be happy for him. It just seemed like a slap in the face, she knows that we are having a hard time conceiving, and still I just felt like this was a "haha, were having a baby and your not" kind of thing. I mean she is like that, so I'm probably not that far off in my thinking, but then I felt horrible that I got so upset about it. Is it really that bad? Why should it bother me like that? I blame it on Bizzaro.

Then today, I'm almost out of this Bizzaro mood of mine, I was walking on my break at work, like I do everyday and remember that horrible "friend" of mine who was so rude to me? Well she came with me along with another girl, M. M is having trouble getting pg, she is having secondary infertility, her only child is now 12. So M has been talking to me a little bit about the if thing. So we are just talking about work and M asked me if there was any new news on the IF front, I said no not yet ect.. and I asked how she was doing... Then S (the rude one) says Oh I'm late on my period! Then she goes on to tell us how she was so sure that she just couldnt be because they alway pull out and only one time he didn't but she flushed those sperm down the drain as soon as they were done! Ok I am in utter shock at this point as to why in the world she would say any of this to two women who are trying to get pg and she knows that both of us are having trouble! WOW! I know that S is just an ignorant person, but this is probably the most inconsiderate thing I have ever had anyone say to me. She just had a baby in Feb, and that was right after she had a miscarriage. And that baby may not have even been her husbands! I am so sick of her, and her ridiculousness. Really, she might be pg again!? how is this even allowed to happen?
Later after lunch S comes up to me to tell me about this crazy night she had last night with her sister. They were getting high and driving around trying to find a gas station with her baby in the car crying! As soon as she said her baby was in the car I asked her why are you driving around high with your child in the car? She said "oh it wasn't like I was baked or anything" Then she says that they had to go into the gas station to get drinks b/c they were baked and had cotton mouth. Again WOW! Also this girl has a picture of her little 4 year old boy drinking a beer on FB! I am seriously thinking of calling CPS on her.
One of my friends who used to work with us asked me how can God let someone like her have children, and someone like me can't. She said it just isn't fair. I don't really think of it as being fair or not, but that this is Gods plan. I am so mad at her for treating her children this way, but it doesn't make it not fair for me to not have children. I don't know what God has planned for her, He knows her and what she does and doesn't do. If He allows her to have children then I have to accept that. Nowhere does it say that life has to be fair. It isn't and it sucks, but I can't change it. So I'm upset for her children,and I'm mad at her, but I'm not mad at God for letting her have kids.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Where oh where are you CM?

I'm wondering where this CM has gone?? A few months back it was here and loud and proud! But over the past few months it has been drier than the Sahara! I have no idea what happend. I wasn't drinking coffee, I've been on this diet, I've been excersizing daily. What is going on??? Does anyone know of any home remedies to bring it back?? Its been really annoying to have to deal with. I feel so bad for poor E, he understands but I hate it!
So I was doing really good with no coffee at all! But I have been craving a Caramel Macchiato so I took Gabe with me on Sunday. We went to the used book store, which I love more than any other store :), and then went to Starbucks. Gabe got this HUGE cookie, I mean it was seriously the size of his head! And of course I got my Caramel Macchiato, as I was drinking it I looked over and saw this:

I almost choked on my drink! Only a IF would think that this was funny. :) I told E and he just rolled his eyes.lol.

Oh, Ann, I made your recipe for the faux rice, and it was pretty good! I wasn't sure how it would taste, but I had it with my taco salad, and it just took on the taste of the taco seasoning. The "rice" gave it just enough oomph to it to make it more filling. Thanks! :)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

4th update, and I'm an awesome step mom!

The 4th was pretty cool this year. We usually buy our illegal fireworks and blow em up in the street with our neighbors, but last year someone's palm tree caught on fire in our neighborhood, and there were lots of police patrolling the area this year! lol. So we went to Lake Las Vegas. It was so beautifull there, but it was unbelievealbly hot! We were so sweaty it was awefull! But I am glad that there are no mosquito's out here! There was a live band and they had a group of guys showing off there b boy skills! According to Gabe it was "sick!" After the fireworks show, the parking lot was jam packed! We were in the overflow lot and we sat there for 2 hours! But we had a good time just hanging out in the car. Gabe said he likes to just jam out in the car, so we cranked up the stereo and jammed out for 2 hours! lol so, last night Gabe hugged me and said I was the best step mom ever! I wanted to cry! He is so sweet. And I know I shouldn't be so happy about this, but he was on the phone with his mom tonight and I heard him tell her that he loves it here and doesn't want to leave our house. I can't help but to feel so proud that I have made a good home for him!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A little bit of everything!

thank you all for your prayers and well wishes! Things are starting to get crazy and I'm getting nervous! I am a worry wort, and I can't help it! I hate not knowing the unknown. I want to know what job I'll have and where we'll live. I hate feeling this way.
I have to share some good news, my little sister just had baby #3! She has all girls, and they are the most beautiful kids I have ever seen! They are just so cute and so sweet, you can't help but to love them! :) Her husband is in the Army Reserves and is on his way oversees in a few months. He'll be gone for a year, so this will be pretty hard on my sister to have to raise those girls on her own. Please keep them in your prayers!

My older sister D is trying to sell her house and they just bought a new one, and she called me today to let me know that there closing date for the new house is the same as ours! She offered us their house that they still have on the market to live in rent free until we get jobs! That was an amazing offer and I was so excited, but we realized that there is no way we can live there even rent free. E has his unemployment but that just pays for our car bills, insurance, gas and child support. We wouldn't have enough $$ to pay for food, or the other bills, like water and electricity. So we had to pass at least for now. Were just going to have to stay at my parents house until we have a job. Hopefully that won't be too long! I mean I love my mom, but it;s hard living there in someone elses house with there rules, and my step dad is getting old and grouchy. But I'm glad we at least have a place to stay where we won't have any extra bills.

Nothing new on the IF front. My temps are still low. But higher than they've ever been! Still working on getting my thyroid in check. I have another few weeks till I have to get my blood work done.

My diet is going well, I've lost 6lbs! I'm so sick of eggs, and meat and salads! I just want some cheese and a tortilla! I have one more week of this no carbs thing, then I can just do the low GI. And that is how I'll have to live my life. I think I can handle that though. I can still have pasta and lentils. I have a new recipe book of low GI recipes. Looks pretty good, I'm ready to eat some good food! :)

So I need to vent a little here. I have this friend at work, S, she has allot of issues, but tries really hard most of the time to be a good person. She always asks my advise on how to be better and for a while we were getting to be pretty good friends. Then I started noticing that she tries to do whatever I do. If I'm on a diet and can't eat certain things, then she can't either, If I say something funny she'll use my joke over and over again to everyone she sees threw out the day. She even started dressing similarly to me. Its weird and kind of annoying but I know she just wants people to like her and she's trying not to be the "bad" girl that she has always been before. She has made lots of bad choices in her life, and her family is not very nice. But the past few days she's been kind of mean. She has two kids, one boy and one girl. Her girl is just a few months old, and she feels the need to talk about her all the time! Everyday she wants to show me a new picture and tell me that her daughter can lift her head now, and hold her bottle! It's over the top how she does it and she makes a huge production about it. She knows how long and how hard it has been for me with my IF. And yet she still gushes about her baby all day long! At first I was happy for her, but now I can't even fake smile anymore. Then on Friday she told me that she and her husband have to use the pull out method because she is afraid of getting pregnant, then she actually says to me that I am so lucky that I don't have to worry about getting pregnant! I almost punched her right in the face! I didn't say anything because I was afraid I might choke her! I had to go take a break and call E. I was so mad. I can't believe that anyone could be that stupid and that uncaring when she knows how I feel about my IF.
E says she is jealous. She envy's my life, and this is the one thing that she has that I can't have. So she is purposely throwing it into my face. I don't know, but I do know that I can't be friends with someone like that. I will still be nice, because that's just who I am, but I have to cut her out of my life. I guess it's good that we are moving. I will find new friends, hopefully some good ones!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Thank you St Joseph!!

I want to send a big shout out to my main man St Joseph! Woot Woot! So as most of you know we are trying desperatley to move out of here, we put our house up for sale (a short sale) and got an offer the same day. This was in April. Today we finnally got word that the bank accepted the offer and we have closing set for July 27th! Holy cow! I had done a Novena to St. Joseph to help us move if that was the right thing. So, I guess it is the right thing! :) We are just so excited!
We will be so much closer to Gabe, only 2 hours away, and my entire family will be there for us.
It's still a little scary, I don't know how were going to be able to afford the move, and drive accross the country. But I have faith that it will all be taken care of. St. Joseph has been there for me so many times, I can't thank him enough.

We are trying to stay in the house untill at least mid August. We have to talk to the buyers and see if they'll work with us. We don't have any jobs lined up yet, and we'll be moving in with my parents, but hey, beggars can't be choosers right?

Friday, June 25, 2010

Condoms for all!

What the heck is going on here!!! Did you all see that news article about a school district in Massachusetts that voted unanimously to begin giving out free condoms to students who request them…even if they’re in first grade !! First grade!! What is this???!! I almost choked on my dinner last night when I heard this. The parents do not need to be notified if their child is requesting to get a condom. Even if the parents tell the school they do not want their child getting condoms from school, they still will give it to the child without letting the parents know.
How on earth can anyone agree to this? Who in there right mind would think that it's ok for these little kids to have condoms available? And I know that most 1st graders probably don't even know what a condom is, but the fact that it is even permissible is disgusting!
I know that once things like condoms or birth control are available to kids, at any age, they are more likely to have sex, than if none of this was available! It blows my mind that parents or any adult can think that it's ok for these kids to be having sex. Maby they think that there being good parents by providing "safe" sex, but why make it available at all?? I know this brings up a whole new moral subject that I'm sure most of you agree with me on, but how do you explain this to others who aren't Catholic or Christian, or even those who are but just don't know the truth??
Sex is sacred, and I believe that at the right age your child should be made aware of whats going on with their bodies, but not to just give them condoms and let them have a free for all!!
My sister and her husband teach a Theology of the Body class to teenagers, and it is amazing! I think that this should be mandatory in every parish across the nation! The more people who are aware of how beautiful sex is and how it is sacred act between husband and wife, the better off our future generations will be!
It just upsets me so much to see things like this on the news, and on the radio this morning there were just ignorant people who were ok with it! Our country needs prayers people! It's so sad..

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

CD1, Fathers day and other ramblings...

Hola all! Thank you all for your support with this diet. Ann I have to ask what is this "faux" rice ??? I love to have brown rice with alot of my dishes, so please tell!
Also I am slowly getting back online to read all the blogs.. so I'll be commenting soon I promise! :)

So interesting cycle I'm having this time. I was all emotional mid cycle, which could have also been because of all the stress with my dog and Gabe coming. But then my period started on Monday, 4 days early! I actually had a 28 day cycle! WTH?? I can't remember the last time it was 28 days. I usually go for 32 days, and get all crazy in the head. But this time 28 days. And no crazy! My cramps were horrendous though,I was having some cramping a few days before, which isn't unusual, I will sometimes cramp a few days and then nothing until my period. But I was cramping for about 3 days on and off, and all of a sudden I'm at work in the potty and Bam! there she was! I was so unprepared, I had to ask all over the office for "supplies"! My cramps got so bad that I almost went home. But another interesting point about this period was the color. Bright red, which I think is a good thing? Its still very short, only 3 days. But this is partly why I haven't been able to post or comment, my cramps were so bad on Monday that I only got threw about 3 blogs before I had to go lay down. So I'm trying to get threw it all tonight, maby I'll be done by tomorrow! lol

So Fathers day was nice this year. We are poor, so nothing really for E. Gabe made him a card, and I made breakfast, and E's favorite dinner, steak and shrimp! He gets this at least twice a year, once for Fathers day and once for his B-day. Also made his favorite cake, yellow moist cake with chocolate frosting! I totally cheated on my diet and had a slice! Mass was very nice, our church was having a free breakfast for fathers afterwards, but E can't wait till after church to eat, so I had already made french toast and fruit for him.

My diet I think is getting easier. I think it was not only extra hard last week because I wasn't used to it, but also I get crazy cravings before my period. I made this recipe from the diet book, it did not turn out good at all! It was mashed cauliflower. Instead of mashed potatoes, you put the cauliflower in a pot with water and olive oil and garlic, let that get really soft and mash, and voila! mashed cauliflower, supposed to be similar to the potatoes. Ok, mine was so not even close! I don't make much cauliflower b/c it smells up my fridge if I don't use it right away. So I was waiting forever for it to soften, and I thought it was soft enough, so I started smashing away, and it wouldn't mash! It got all fibery and weird, but I ate it anyway, and it was ok. Tasted like cauliflower though! lol. Have any of you ever made anything like that? I've read this recipe before, but I've always been afraid to try it. I may make it again and try to soften it a little more before I start mashing!

On the Gabe front, I'm so excited he's here. He's a great kid, and I'm pretty lucky that he is such a good kid. He's been telling us that he loves it at our house! :) We try to do as many things with him as we can. We love to play Clue, and crazy 8's. E has him doing yard work and house work while I'm at work, and he's enjoying it. It's something for E and Gabe to do together, and E is teaching him how to be a man! lol. When Gabe gets here, I always just want us to be normal, and be a family. I have tried so hard to make sure that Gabe doesn't feel like he's a burden or anything like that, I just want him to feel loved and accepted in our home. I want us to be a united family, and I hope I'm doing it all right!

Oh I found this great online 3 minute retreat! It's from the Loyola Press, Its a great little spiritual helper. :)
here is the link
http://www.loyolapress.com/3-minute-retreats-daily-online-prayer.htm

Saturday, June 19, 2010

First week almost over.

SO I'm just about done with the first week of this horrid diet. But, I am committed to 30 days. I really hope I can keep it up. It's just that I feel like my belly is constantly empty. I can eat the fruit leathers, and they have some great ones at Trader Joes that I love. And the soup is no bueno for lunch anymore. It definatley did not fill me up enough during the work day. I am still working on getting my thyroid in check, but I have another 3 weeks till I get my bloodwork done again. I'm on 75mcg's of Levothyroxin right now, and I am pretty sure it will need to be upped again.

Did you know that there is a completely true and physical reason that some of us especially with pcos, have a hard time feeling full? There is a gland in your brain called the Hypothalamus, it tells your body when your full or hungry. Studies show that with alot of women with pcos, their hypothalamus isn't working properly.
So now that I know this, wenever I want some bad food I can tell E that I need to feed my hypothalamus or my brain will shut down! hahaha! Isn't that crazy though? I never understood why I could eat so much and not feel full.

Yesterday for dinner I made a pork loin that I marinated in some store bought marinade all day. It was delicioso! I had a big salad with it and made the boys baked potatoes.
Here is my food for today

Breakfast: 1 egg with left over pork loin, and a grapefruit

Lunch : soup and a salad

snack: handful sunflower seeds

Dinner: taco salad. I cooked the ground beef with onions and taco seasoning, and just put that with lettuce tomatoes and taco sauce. ( that wasn't part of the diet book, but I can't eat all this bland food for 30 days ) But no cheese or sour cream added which I love, so I figure a plus for me! :)
I slept most of the morning, so I didn't need as much to eat today.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I'm so hungry ... oh so hungry!!!

No carbs = a cranky Suzie! This PCOS Diet thingy sucks! I mean how on earth do we survive with no carbs! Or Chocolate!? Can you tell it's getting close to cd1? lol. I've got about 7 more days. I usually get some strong cravings for some Starbucks and chocolate, and cheese around this time, then it dies down as I get closer to the day. But I'm STARVING!!! Ok maby not starving, but I feel terrible. Supposedly I'm cleansing my body of all the bad things by eating whole foods and stuff like that.

Here is my diet today
Breakfast: Protien shake ( yes I can have this, the book said if your pressed for time it's ok + it's chocolate ;) )

Snack: apple

Lunch: Organic Vegitable Soup (all veggies no potatoes or pasta in it)

Snack: Cherry tomatoes

Dinner: burger salad. I made turkey burgers tonight, and I chopped mine up into a salad w/ lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, and mustard on top. I have to say it was pretty tasty! :) mmm!

It's not the exact meal plan that is laid out in the book, but they said as long as your eating only the foods on the "approved" list your ok. Because honestly I will never make some of the items it gives recipies for.

Now. I want a chocolate cheesecake! Really Thats all I can think about. Today at work this girl was munching away on a Snickers bar and thats all I wanted all day till I got home. I have taken all change out of my purse so even if I want some horrible food, I can't. I've been getting up earlier to work out for 30 min in the morning because I am just too exhausted when I get home!
I'm trying to remind myself why I am doing this. I want to keep my clear skin. I had terrible breakouts for years! I want to lose weight. I want to get preggo! I think those are pretty good reasons to keep with it dont you?

Monday, June 14, 2010

My Faith Story

Ok so I've been meaning to write this for a while now, just trying to find the right time to get it all out. Our resident House Mother Leila had asked us to post about our Faith story a while ago, so here it is::

I guess I should start from the very beginning for all of this to make sense. My Grandma P is a very devout Catholic, she was the youngest of 12 and her father died when she was a baby. All of her siblings are very strong in their faith. She passed that on to my mother. My mother is an only child, (not by choice) she has always loved the Church, she even went in the nunnery (?) after high school. Luckily (for me) she decided that wasn't the path the Lord had for her and went off to College and met and married my dad. My dad's mom Nona, also came from a Catholic family. She was the eldest of 8. Her mother complained about each child she had and said it was just another mouth to feed. Nona wasn't very devout in her faith, and neither was my father. I was the 5th daughter to be born. My father left my mother while she was still pregnant with me. My mother moved all of us from NJ to OH, and my older sisters were not happy with that. We hardly ever saw my father. He never called or wrote or sent cards to any of us. My older sisters took it very hard. My mom and my step dad married when I was about a year old. Because I almost never saw my "real" dad, I had assumed that my step-dad was my dad. I called him dad. I remember when my real dad picked us up from the airport and I told him he wasn't my real dad, that he was my step dad, whoa, I was in trouble! I was only 4! I had no idea what was going on at that time. Finally I started noticing that my older sisters weren't calling our step-dad "dad". I wanted my sisters approval so I stopped calling him dad. That was a huge turning point in our relationship. My mom had my little sister when I was 2 &1/2. We were really close for a long time.
Meanwhile my sisters were going threw lots of terrible times, and I was put on the back burner. No one seemed to care about me. My mom worked hard. She and my step-dad had allot of problems in the beginning, so he wasn't even living with us for a long time.
There came a point when my little sister realized that she could get me in trouble for anything, because her dad would take her side over mine any day of the week. That started a whole new set of problems. For years it was me and my mom vs my sister and step dad. Our house was in Chaos from as far back as I can remember.
But one thing that was constant through it all was our Faith. Even though bad decisions were made and our lives seemed out of control, we always had our Faith.

I loved the Catholic church growing up. I knew the entire Catechism from front to back by heart. I loved the movies on the saints. My Grandma P had The Song of Bernadette, and Miracle Of Our Lady Of Fatima. Oh how I wished so badly that I could have been one of those children! I think that this was my own way as a child to get some peace. I could tune out the rest of the world and be entranced by these amazing true stories. For years I prayed and prayed that I could be a visionary. That is what I wanted out of my life more than anything. We picketed at abortion clinics, and prayed the rosary. As we got older and moved to IN, my parents joined a group of families and had a HomeChurch. All these families got together on a Sunday night and prayed the rosary, then the adults had there time to pray and talk and all us kids (there were allot!) got to hang out and play and do whatever. It was awesome! :)

But I'm getting a little ahead. I was an ugly duckling. I developed early, and was not excited about that. I was really embarrassed. My mother was from the old school and refused to talk about gasp! "your body" ! I had no idea about anything that was going on. My older sisters were all finally in college and getting back on track in their lives. My sister C who is 3 years older was always this amazingly beautiful and talented person. She wanted nothing to do with me. I was a nerd. She was popular. I was tormented in school and was compared to her constantly.
Growing up we saw my dad twice a year. One week for Thanksgiving and 2 weeks out of the summer. That was it. And I loved my dad. Even though I never saw him, I had this love for him that I think is just ingrained in you. You can't help but to love your parents. That's why when one summer he asked my sister C to move in with him, my heart broke. I said that I wanted to move in too. (even though i really didn't, I love my mom and could never have left her) I was testing my dad. And he failed. He laughed and then said that I was too little.
So here I was going threw this horrible awkward phase and my own father didn't want me. It hurt, bad.

A few years later, he was diagnosed with Leukemia. He battled that for years. Finally He died right after Christmas on the Feast of the Holy Family 1997. I was almost 15. My world fell apart. My home life was always up and down, never knowing when the next fight would happen, and now my dad was gone. It was a very weird time for me. It started a depression that lasted for 2 years.
After my dads funeral, we had to greet all the family that came to pay their respects and one Uncle made a comment that all my dad wanted was to have a boy, how important it was for him to have a boy, and he never did. That was the worst thing I think I could have heard at that point. Because what I actually heard was that my dad didn't want me at all! He left my mom because I was a girl, my entire family went through hell because of me. I was no good. This is what was fixed on my brain for a very very long time. This changed me.

I was already just a teen going threw some big mood changes, and all this happening made it all seem so much more blown out of proportion. I felt out of control and helpless. I locked myself in my room all the time. I started getting high and going out and partying. I did everything a good Catholic girl shouldn't have been doing. I had bad friends, made bad choices. I was truly depressed at this time. I was looking for something, and I didn't know what. I still went to church because I had to. But as I was making these bad choices, I felt worse and worse about myself. There came a point where I wanted to end my life. I thought about it all the time. I told myself there wasn't a God. There couldn't be. Because if there was one then none of this stuff would have happened to me. My life was a wreck.

The summer after my Sophomore year in high school my mom signed me up for a weekend retreat at the Franciscan University of Stuebenville. Then I had to stay at my sisters house near the university to babysit while she went to summer classes. I hated her for making me go. I had a boy that I liked that I was hoping to make my boyfriend that summer and my friends were all going to be doing fun stuff, and I was going to miss out! This retreat was ok. I liked it, but I wasn't ready. Somehow I managed to find the "bad" kids at a Catholic retreat! For me it was a social event that summer. But it changed something in me. When I was done baby siting for the summer I was different. I decided that I didn't want to hang out with the same people. It took a while, but midway through the school year, I made new friends. They weren't ideal, but they were better. The next summer I went to the retreat again at the Franciscan U.
This is the summer that changed my life. The theme this summer was "Father". This summer I learned about Gods love for me, and how He is my Father. God will never abandon me. God has always loved me for me, and no matter what happens He will forgive me. I have never cried so hard in my entire life. I was filled with the Holy Spirit from head to toe! This weekend I forgave my dad. On Sunday, there is a time where you can share your experience in front of everyone! I had to get up there. I never felt so good. I was calm and excited and on fire for the Lord! It was amazing.
When we got back everyone was telling my parents about my experience. And I wasn't embarrassed at all.
Life didn't change drastically. We still had problems in our family and after a few months my fire died out. I still wasn't living my life as I should have. But it was better.
In the years after my dad passed away, I prayed for his soul constantly. I was so afraid that he was going to hell. One night my prayers were answered. I had a vision of my father. He was on his way into heaven. I won't go into detail here, but he did tell me that everything was ok. He was ok. That solidified my feelings of forgiveness.
I still had some issues with my step dad though. After high school I moved out of my parents house, lived with a sister in her basement for a year, then got my own place for another year. I met and eventually lived with a boy I thought I was in love with. I moved across the country for him. He turned out to not be such a good guy. I was going to church by myself at this point. He refused to go with me. I ended our relationship, and during this time I met E. After a whirlwind romance we got married at the Little White Wedding Chapel and hadn't really told anyone! E started going to church with me, and I decided that I needed to live what I preach. E came into the Church Easter 2009 and our marriage was blessed right before that.

About 3 years ago My mom called me after she and my sisters went to an adult retreat at the Franciscan University of Stuebenville. My mom runs a resource center for the Church, and was buying some books while she was there. While they were listening to a speaker, my sister opened a book and read a story about a girl who had all these older sisters, and her dad died and had this horrible time. It was my story! I was recorded all those years ago at the retreat, and it was put into a book! My step dad had read it and apologized to me for the way he treated me. He said he didn't know how hurt I was by him and my dad. My step dad has become a very devout Catholic too. He always believed, but has had his own demons to deal with.

So now here I am. I am loved. I have no doughts in my mind about Gods love for me. About his awesome kindness and forgiveness. I have an amazing Church that we attend and I love to teach E and Gabe about the Saints that I grew up learning about.
Praise be to God for his loving kindness! :)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Love summer! :)

Today things have gotten better. Allot better. I get really frustrated that I want so bad to take care of Gabe and be a mom to him, and when things don't turn out the way I want I get really mad. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a baby. It makes me mad that I can't be the one to teach him about life, and how to act and how to learn about the Church. His mom isn't Catholic. She goes to some nondenominational church occasionally. I've tried and tried to teach Gabe about the Church, and while he's here he'll learn a little, but when he leaves and then comes back, its like he doesn't remember anything at all! His mom lets him watch movies and listen to songs that we don't approve of. She teaches him to be a different kind of person than E and I would want him to be. And its hard. E doesn't want to spend the summer nit-picking on him, but it drives me nuts! I see this innocent little boy being demoralized right in front of my face, and there is nothing I can do. I try to teach him as much as I can. I hope it is enough.

Today we went to a friends house to swim. She has 2 little boys near Gabe's age. We spent the entire day at the pool! I love it! :) I love the smell of the chlorine, and the taste of Oreo's in the sun. When I was little we lived at the local pool. We had swim team in the morning, then I had swim lessons. I'm not really sure why I had to take the lessons also, but I'm guessing its so I was kept busy so my mom could work. We spent the entire day there almost daily. I miss those days! so much fun.

Nothing new on the IF front. Same crap different day. My temps have risen a little bit this cycle though. Might be from the higher dosage for my thyroid medication. No ovulation this time.

My new PCOS Diet starts tomorrow. I'm nervous about no carbs. I have an unnatural craving for carbs I think. The more I know I can't have them, the more I want them! lol. :) We went shopping this weekend for the food for my new diet. It just stinks that I have to make 2 separate dinners for all of us though. ARRGGH! Well, wish me luck on this new diet! Hope everyone had a great Sunday! :)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Goodbye to my beloved Scrappy

I've been silent for a while I know. This week has been extremely hard. We had to let our Scrappy go. He started getting sick again and he was in pain almost daily. It was a very hard decision to make. Some day's he'd be happy and fine, and the next.. he was a different dog. The vet said it was cancer, and that there was no cure for him. He might have lived another 6-12 months, but he wouldn't be the same. He'd have to be on medication daily, and we wouldn't know from one day to the next how he would be. We couldn't keep him because of our selfish need to have him around. It wasn't right to let him suffer like that. This is very difficult for me to even write out now. He was an amazing dog. He was my baby. I will always love him.


That day we let him go was bittersweet. The same night Gabe came home for the summer. I'm having trouble adjusting. I always have trouble adjusting. Our house is very small. Gabe is getting bigger, and needs us to constantly be with him and play with him or he is too bored. E feels like he needs to overcompensate for not being able to be with him all the time, and I just want us to have a "normal" life when he is here. I don't want to treat him different b/c he can't be here all the time. I want to treat him like he is our kid and was just on a vacation. I do try to do special things for him, but he just wants to be with his dad, and I feel sometimes left out. Other times I feel like I can't breath. Our house is too small. There is nowhere for Gabe to play. I need just a half an hour to myself. Is that too much to ask? I made E mad this morning b/c they were watching tv and I came into our room to get on the computer. I thought that I would have at least 30 min to get on and read some blogs and write out my own. But they followed me in the room and started wrestling on the bed! I made a comment about them following me, and now E is mad. they are outside plaing catch. It is actually not too hot today to go outside! I'll have to talk to E later about why I need just a small amount of my own time. E has his ju-jitsu classes a few times a week and that is 2 hours long! All I'm asking is for 30 min of my own time. I don't think that this is unreasonable.

I know I stress myself out for no good reason. Maby I'll try to get up early tomorrow and have my time then.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A New Day.

Many many thanks to all of you for your kind words, and support. I cried reading all the wonderful comments. Really I don't know how I could get threw some of these days without all of you! :)

Things have definitely gotten better over the weekend. Friday I was still a little bit on the hormonal side, and I broke down to E. I just started crying and blubbering all over the place. It kindof forced E and I to have a talk about all this IF business. It turns out that we weren't exactly on the same page. He didn't think that I was very serious about the whole having a baby right now thing as I actually am, and I was afraid to bring it up all the time. I didn't want to have to "try" so hard. I didn't want to have to time when we have sex. I didn't want things to get boring. Of course E just laughed when I said that b/c he said it will never get boring! :) So allot of good things came out of my cry-fest. We talked allot and figured out what we are going to do to make this happen. I expressed my concern about how long and how much do we try? E said we try till we have a baby. So that works for me!

We haven't done to much this weekend. It hit the triple digits so it's kinda hard to get out. Today its 107! omg its super hot out there! We are just getting everything ready for Gabe to get here. Only 3 more days!

So I bought this book called the PCOS Diet book. I'm just beginning to read it, and it is not going to be easy! It's really neat so far, as explaining the PCOS, why I am always hungry, my hormones, what effects what in our bodies. I'm pretty excited to try to follow this diet. But there are no carbs to start! No pasta, no waffles, no bagels, and worst of all no cheese! I love cheese! Actually if I could live off of cheese and double fudge brownies, I would! :)
I was going to just dive into the diet, but there is allot to read and to understand what it is that I am doing in this diet and how it works for me, so I am going to read the entire book first, and then start on it. So I figure by next week I should be ready to go. I'll keep you all updated on how it is working and what is going on, and if any of you have any questions feel free to email me!

Happy Sunday to all of you!