Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Feeling Sorry for myself!

So, I'm sitting here with my hot cocoa and Reese's after a meltdown today after I got home from the Dr. office. It had nothing to do with the Dr. not really, I'm about to start my period, and I just can't stand it! I'm waiting for the day when I'm late and I can freak out and be all excited that maybe just maybe we'll be having a baby on the way... I missed work yesterday b/c of the passing out episode, so today is my first day back without my best friend. This is my 3rd friend to leave work to go have a baby! Everyone it seems has baby's even the younger girls that I know. Then the older ladies show off pics of there grand kids... Will I ever be able to do that?? I came home and once E started talking to me my eyes started to well up with tears. He is so great, he let me talk, and then he went to the store for me to get my chocolate. :)

Today I had to go get the ultrasound of my thyroid, we are hoping nothing is wrong, but my sister had thyroid cancer that they just took out this year, and my Dr. said that mine is swollen and it is definitely worth checking out. They also did an ultrasound of my pelvic area, which was sucky.. I had to drink 48 oz of water an hour before the apt and wasn't allowed to pee! that was bad for me, b/c I have a tiny bladder.. I had to go so bad, the girls at the office were very nice and got me in as fast as possible.. Then they did a vaginal ultrasound. This was weird, but wasn't to bad.

I guess I'm just nervous as to what they will find, or not find.. What is wrong with me? It has been 5 years! That is a very long time, and I've never even had a "scare" never been a day late on my periods nothing. Most of the time I'm ok, but today everything just hit me. My friends are all gone having babies, I'm all alone....

Sorry this is so depressing today. Now I am going to watch Becoming Jane.. I love that movie. It's a cry movie.. sometimes it feels good to let it all go..

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