Friday, March 19, 2010

re-cap, and St. Joseph's feast day!

I know I've been away for a while. This week I've been realy tired. Getting to bed to late, Dr. apt. It's been hard to get online and make time to put all my thoughts together. First I want to say I don't know what happend to my spell check. So I appologize for my appalling spelling. :)

I had my appointment with the Endocrinologist on Wed. What a big fat waste of time and money! The office was dissorganized and the receptionists were rude! I had gotten a call early in the day that they checked my insurance and it had been canceled! What! I almost lost it. I was already having a bad day, which I'll get into later. I talked to my HR dept and they said everything should be fine, b/c I pay for the insurance out of my check, so I should call the 800# on the back of my card. I did and everything was fine! So I called the office back and the receptionist argued with me for 5 min about it. She kept insisting that she called and it was cancelled, I kept telling her that she called the wrong # and I gave her the correct # to call. I advised her that she needed to call again because everything was fine. She said she would call me back. But of course I didn't hear anything from her at all!
So I get to the office, sign in and they acted like nothing had been wrong. Oh my gosh! what the heck is wrong with these people? Finally after waiting for 40 min I see the Dr. He was very pleasant but told me absolutly nothing I didn't realy already know. He explained the Hypothyroidism on a dry erase board like it was a football play or something. Then he says " I see you have cysts all over your ovaries, you definatly have pcos" .. I'm like wow, nice doc! .. My primary care doc said she thought I had the pcos, but wasn't positive.. So this was kinda a shock to hear it said to me like that. Then he tells me that he may want to up my dose on the Levothyroxin. I have to get more bloodwork done, and go back in 2 weeks. UGH! I ask about the pcos, and he tells me there is nothing to worry about. It doesn't effect me unless I want to get pregnant, and then I should see a OBGYN. uh hu! what! This guy is crazy. If anyone has pcos they know that it effects alot of things not just your fertility. And the thyroid and the pcos both effect similar things in your body and both need to be taken care of! So I will go back this one time and then talk to my primary care doc. She seems alot more knowledgable than this so called "expert" does.
Earlier that same day I almost died choking on my pills! I am taking the Helidac therapy for the H Palyori? There is this one white pill that always no matter what finds the back of my throat and takes like dirt! It is the most disgusting taste I have ever tasted. So I'm in the lunch room at work, and I'm taking this horrible pill, trying desperatley to get it to miss the back of my throat and just go down, when it gets caught in my throat! I start choking and now I can taste it! I ran to the nearest garbage can and tried to spit it out, I was hacking and dry heaving because of the horrible taste! Half the people in the room left, and a few nice people came over to see if I was ok. I was so embarrised, but I felt nauseous, and I could still taste that awefull taste in my mouth. I was to embarrised to say that I was choking and everyone just thought I had gotten sick. I said it was because of my antibiotics and I just hadn't eaten enough... lol it was kinda the truth. So that combined with the rediculous dr's office, and work... it was just awefull that day.

When I got home that night from the Dr.s office E and I were just hanging out and I started sobbing! I couldn't help it. I was just a wreck from the day and I was thinking about all the things that we have to do now to get pregnant. I don't know.. I just thought that it would just happen naturally and we wouldn't have to go threw much. I figured once we got my thyroid in check all would be well. But that is not the case. Now with the pcos, I have a lot to swallow. I know that things could be worse, alot worse, but the thought that I may not be able to have children naturally is so depressing right now. I felt that I was broken somehow. I felt that there was no hope and everything was wrong. E told me that he married me for me.. not because of my ovaries. That made me laugh then cry because I want to have a child with this man. I want to share everything with him, I want us to make something, someone together... Is that selfish? I'm not sure.. It is realy hard to know that he has had this experience with somone else.. and not even someone who he loved, or married.. And here we are, 6 years into our relationship and totally in love. Shouldn't we be able to show our love in conceving a child together? Maby it isn't as bad as I think, maby this is nothing at all... But it has been 5 years since we were married, have never used birth controll.. Never once have we gotten pregnant. I don't know... I'm still kinda hopeful, but not going to try to be to optimistic about it. I always let myself down when Aunt Flo comes to visit... She is on her way now.. I can feel it. My cycles are normal now. I know when it is time.

I have been doing alot of reading on this, and I am starting a low GI diet. I definatley need to lose weight, to help manage the pcos. But it is extra hard to lose weight because of the pcos and the thyroid. I think the hardest will be to get rid of the coffee. I love the coffee!:) If I can get down to just one day a week.. I'll be good.

Today is my birthday, and St. Joseph's feast day. He is an amazing Saint. I think everyone should become aquainted with him. He is the foster father of all of us! Today is an amazing day to celebrate his life, and ask for special favors. He has helped me and my family alot over the years. Thank you St. Joseph!


some how, some way, some day said...

It is not selfish at all to want to produce a child out of mutual love and carry that child for nine months! Not selfish at all! But you do have to put it in God's hands. Do the best you can with your doctors and dieting and exercise but leave the rest to God. It took me years to figure that out. I carried the heavy burden of my infertility for almost 12 years and just recently it has been lifted. God has put adoption in my head 5 times in the last 12 years but I pushed it out not realizing that was his plan for us. Remember, faith can move mountains and if a pregnancy is what He has in store for you it will happen. I'll continue my prayers for you!

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Happy belated birthday! I hope you had a great one! I am sorry that things didn't go so well at the endocrinologist's office...yuck, I am not a fan of unproductive doctor's appts! I hope you have better luck in the future. God Bless!