Saturday, June 12, 2010

Goodbye to my beloved Scrappy

I've been silent for a while I know. This week has been extremely hard. We had to let our Scrappy go. He started getting sick again and he was in pain almost daily. It was a very hard decision to make. Some day's he'd be happy and fine, and the next.. he was a different dog. The vet said it was cancer, and that there was no cure for him. He might have lived another 6-12 months, but he wouldn't be the same. He'd have to be on medication daily, and we wouldn't know from one day to the next how he would be. We couldn't keep him because of our selfish need to have him around. It wasn't right to let him suffer like that. This is very difficult for me to even write out now. He was an amazing dog. He was my baby. I will always love him.

That day we let him go was bittersweet. The same night Gabe came home for the summer. I'm having trouble adjusting. I always have trouble adjusting. Our house is very small. Gabe is getting bigger, and needs us to constantly be with him and play with him or he is too bored. E feels like he needs to overcompensate for not being able to be with him all the time, and I just want us to have a "normal" life when he is here. I don't want to treat him different b/c he can't be here all the time. I want to treat him like he is our kid and was just on a vacation. I do try to do special things for him, but he just wants to be with his dad, and I feel sometimes left out. Other times I feel like I can't breath. Our house is too small. There is nowhere for Gabe to play. I need just a half an hour to myself. Is that too much to ask? I made E mad this morning b/c they were watching tv and I came into our room to get on the computer. I thought that I would have at least 30 min to get on and read some blogs and write out my own. But they followed me in the room and started wrestling on the bed! I made a comment about them following me, and now E is mad. they are outside plaing catch. It is actually not too hot today to go outside! I'll have to talk to E later about why I need just a small amount of my own time. E has his ju-jitsu classes a few times a week and that is 2 hours long! All I'm asking is for 30 min of my own time. I don't think that this is unreasonable.

I know I stress myself out for no good reason. Maby I'll try to get up early tomorrow and have my time then.


Sara Renee said...

I am SO sorry about your little Scrappy! My heart hurts for you... What you decided to do was best for all parties included. Some people do not realize how fiercely dedicated our furbabies are... They would seriously go on forever, despite their pain and suffering, to please us. I pray you find peace, because you can bet Scrappy has! *Hugs!

I hope that E understands about you needing your time! Even regular full time parents need a break every once in a while! It's not that you don't love them dearly, but sometimes a girl needs a little recharge time! Especially if you're not used to having that much energy around all the time! I bet E will understand when you explain it to him! Just remember, disapointment is just a side effect of having too high expectations!

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about Scrappy! And I totally get the wanting "me" time. I will pray that your are comforted in this time of grieving and that things work out between you, E, and Gabe. Sorry that it has gotten off to kind of a bumpy start. ((((Hugs))))

Faith makes things possible said...

I'm sorry to hear about Scrappy. I bet it was a hard decision but it definitely seems like the best decision also.

I definitely think talking about needing alone time is the best bet! Everyone needs it and there's nothing wrong with that! :)

Hebrews 11:1 said...

So sorry about Scrappy, I know that is tough. We had to put my childhood dog to sleep a few months ago and I'm still sad about it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Leila said...

I am so very sorry. :(

some how, some way, some day said...

So very sorry about Scrappy. It is very hard to make the decision to let them go but you made the right one. It's difficult to watch them suffer. My prayers are with you as you guys transition into a family of three again. It can't be easy for any of you but most especially, Gabe. It will get better!