I've been silent for a while I know. This week has been extremely hard. We had to let our Scrappy go. He started getting sick again and he was in pain almost daily. It was a very hard decision to make. Some day's he'd be happy and fine, and the next.. he was a different dog. The vet said it was cancer, and that there was no cure for him. He might have lived another 6-12 months, but he wouldn't be the same. He'd have to be on medication daily, and we wouldn't know from one day to the next how he would be. We couldn't keep him because of our selfish need to have him around. It wasn't right to let him suffer like that. This is very difficult for me to even write out now. He was an amazing dog. He was my baby. I will always love him.
That day we let him go was bittersweet. The same night Gabe came home for the summer. I'm having trouble adjusting. I always have trouble adjusting. Our house is very small. Gabe is getting bigger, and needs us to constantly be with him and play with him or he is too bored. E feels like he needs to overcompensate for not being able to be with him all the time, and I just want us to have a "normal" life when he is here. I don't want to treat him different b/c he can't be here all the time. I want to treat him like he is our kid and was just on a vacation. I do try to do special things for him, but he just wants to be with his dad, and I feel sometimes left out. Other times I feel like I can't breath. Our house is too small. There is nowhere for Gabe to play. I need just a half an hour to myself. Is that too much to ask? I made E mad this morning b/c they were watching tv and I came into our room to get on the computer. I thought that I would have at least 30 min to get on and read some blogs and write out my own. But they followed me in the room and started wrestling on the bed! I made a comment about them following me, and now E is mad. they are outside plaing catch. It is actually not too hot today to go outside! I'll have to talk to E later about why I need just a small amount of my own time. E has his ju-jitsu classes a few times a week and that is 2 hours long! All I'm asking is for 30 min of my own time. I don't think that this is unreasonable.
I know I stress myself out for no good reason. Maby I'll try to get up early tomorrow and have my time then.