Tuesday, September 21, 2010

AF ... always on time.

I have been so busy since we got here! And also only one computer for the entire household, and my mother is working from home while her new office is being built, so computer time is limited! lol
This past weekend was great because we got to pick up Gabe for the weekend. We are only 2 & 1/2 hours away so we meet halfway, and it's not a bad drive. There was a church festival this weekend, so we went there with my family. Gabe had a blast, there were rides and food and music. On Friday night Elvis was there! lol I think it's pretty funny that all the time I lived in Vegas I have never seen an Elvis impersonator, and I move to IN and I get to see one in concert! lol :)
The first weekend we were here, my Uncle Bob, (who is actually a cousin) is a Priest. He comes to visit the family once a year and luckily I was here this time. I haven't seen him in over 7 years. We had dinner for him and afterwards he did some healing prayer on those of us who wanted it. So my mom pushes me forward to get prayed over for the IF issues. I have never had anyone pray over me for this situation or asked anyone for prayers for help in this area of my life. I am so glad that Fr Bob was able to pray over me. I felt lifted up and refreshed when he was done. It was really just an amazing experience. When there is something wrong with you and someone who is Holy prays over you and asks God to help you with it, it's wonderful.
But at the same time I think it put an unrealistic ideals into my head. I knew that AF was coming soon, but I didn't have allot of PMS or any of my usual symptoms. On our move, I kept thinking that this was the month it would happen! I just knew that I was pg. Maby that is also because everyone kept telling me that as soon as I moved they just knew that I would get pg. So I was hopeful. Then I get prayed over and I am just ecstatic that this is the month! this is it! But it wasn't.
This past Friday AF showed up. I knew it would because I started cramping on Thursday and I'm charting and it all pointed to AF coming to town. This was a hard one for me. Sometimes AF doesn't bother me. I mean I hate when it shows up because it's another failed month, but I'm aware that it will be there and I'm not thinking that I could be pg. So those months I am ok. But then on times like this where I feel that this is the time, somehow I just know that I am pg, and AF shows up... It's horrible. I feel like a failure. I start to wonder when or if I will ever be pg. Will I be an old mother? will I ever be a mother at all? Lots of questions clog up my mind, and I have to make myself stop thinking about these things. I have to pray and remind myself to put all my trust in Him. It is very hard. But I try and try to not get depressed about it.
I am super happy though that I was prayed over by such a wonderful Priest. I am trying not to get my hopes up though right now. If the prayers work that would be awesome, but I also know that we don't always get everything that we pray for.

Well, now I'm being kicked off the computer! It's time for me and my mom's daily walk around the neighborhood. :)


Complicated Life said...

Everyone told me that when I moved I would get pregnant too. Well, here I am two years later, still infertile! I'm sorry that this wasn't "your month" but that is so awesome that you got prayed over! I am thinking about asking my priest to pray over me. We'll see. Look forward to reading more!

the misfit said...

Hope: still don't like it. Sorry you had a hard month, but I hope (!) the prayers of your cousin will lighten this cross for you in some way (a BFP would be especially nice) soon!

Trustful Surrender said...

I'm so sorry. I know what you mean.
Hoping and praying for you.

WheelbarrowRider said...

Too funny about Elvis! I am so glad the priest got to pray over you. I had an amazing priest pray to St. Rita for me on retreat the cycle I got pregnant with our Charlie. hope isn't a bad thing, hang in there.