Friday, December 10, 2010

Confusion

So as I'm waiting for AF to show up, and I know she will, I have been having conflicting thoughts on it. On one hand I can't wait for the day when I finally miss my period and get that big positive! On the other hand I'm wanting us to be able to take a trip in the near future ( I need a job first!) but I don't want to be worried about getting pg. For most people getting pg isn't on their minds daily, and they make plans and just do whatever. But for me I'm always thinking about it. I am always counting the days till my next period, I know what day in my cycle I am and wether or not I've got good CM. I don't want to waste the good CM, so there is always a possiblility ( I guess) of getting pg. I'm afraid that we will miss an opportunity to take a great trip, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to get pg either! And getting pg is so difficult that I don't want to do anything to jepordize my chances in any way. So I am kinda glad AF is coming, but I'm also super sad. Because this is another year that has gone by with no baby. Another year I'm getting older and older and how long will it take?
So I guess I'll just continue to be confused about this whole thing. Anyone else ever feel this way? It kinda sucks because I've wanted nothing else for so long, and now I just don't know if I'm ready. Obviously financially we are not ready, but other than that how much longer can my body reject getting pg? Well, our new insurance should be kicking in sometime in Jan, and I'll be getting more tests done to check all my hormones. But I wonder if I should just wait? Should we wait till we are more settled, till we've taken a big trip that we have wanted to do for a long time? Really why does this have to be so complicated? Normal people don't ever have to worry about things like this. Normal people can wait till they are ready and just poof! be pg, no problemo. Sorry prayer buddy, you've got a lot of work ahead of you!

6 comments:

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Sorry you are feeling confused. I'll pray for clarity for you. :)

Thankful said...

I hope that the decisions become easier and that money is less of an issue. As a travel buff, I always say go for the trip (but not at the expense of other dreams).

prayerfuljourney said...

Oh yes..the IF confustion. I get it. I was there plenty of times but we just went ahead and planned trips, etc, anyway. What kind of big trip are you planning?

the misfit said...

I am conflicted all the time. In the few times in the past year or so I've actually managed to delude myself into thinking that I could be about to MISS a period, yes, I cry when it comes, but part of me is also terrified thinking that it might not. There are so many things that would be irrevocably changed...and I don't feel spiritually ready to be out of Purgatory, I guess. Anyway - I do what prayerfuljourney does - plan for everything anyway, and figure that if I have to reschedule on account of being pregnant, well, first of all, it won't happen, and, second, if it did, I wouldn't be so upset about that, really. WAY more upset if I didn't get to do something AND didn't get pregnant! But that's me.

JellyBelly said...

I've been confused for more than five years! Praying for you!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Thanks for the prayers!. Prayerful, we would love to go visit our friends who have moved to the UK. Neither E or I have ever been there, and I've always wanted to go.