Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The definition of Family

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church a family is defined as : "A man and woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family" This is in the part concerning the fourth commandment. This was what my Familia group was studying this month. When I first read this, I was so distraught. How can this be in the Catechism? Do I not have a family because I don't have children? Are we incomplete? Well, kinda. I have been thinking about this for a while, I know that this was in the fourth commandment which is Honor thy Father and Mother. So of course this has to do with a "family", but it still stings. For some reason I am having a really hard time this year dealing with my IF. This time of year is usually my favorite time of year, but I can't enjoy it. Christmas time is supposed to be joyous and wonderful, I mean for the first time in over 6 years I finally have a white Christmas, but it's not joyous this year. Another year without children. Another year of trying and failing and I just want to give up. I have always dreamed of how awesome it will be to have my own family on Christmas, you know little kids waking you up in the early morning so excited that Santa has come, and making your own Christmas memories. I hate thinking about it, that I may never have this chance. I lost it the other day when I was talking to my mom about Christmas, I just broke down and I hate crying in front of people. She always tells me that everyone is praying for me, but it doesn't seem to be working.
This year has been tough. I still don't have a job, and living here with my parents is starting to be to much. We need to get our own place. I am sick of AF showing up, and I can't stand the positivity that some people have for me. Everyone including E says that it will happen, don't worry, ect... But it hasn't happened, my positive attitude towards my IF is gone. I'm sorry that I've been so depressing lately, but I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm reminded that I don't have a "family" every day. I'm surrounded by families, and kids. Don't get me wrong I love my nieces and nephews and wouldn't change living close by them for anything, but the longer time goes by I worry about if I ever do have kids, they won't have any cousins to play with. All the kids will be grown and mine will be too little to know them. There are so many families and kids at church it's depressing to go sometimes.
I keep praying to St. Joseph every day, I pray to Jesus and Mary, and yet I feel so alone and sad that I don't have a "family". I hope someday that I will just be able to be ok, and not get so upset about this anymore. I don't know if we will ever have what is defined as a family, and I just hope that one day I will be able to accept that.

10 comments:

A Martha trying to be Mary said...

We are going through some hard times also. This season makes all more real and much harder. will pray for you and your DH.

prayerfuljourney said...

Christmas is a hard time for any IF gal...I agree. I've been going through my own emotional crisis myself. We'll get through this...I just try to remind myself that this season is not about me...it's about the birth of Jesus and His family...Mary and Joseph. It's because of Him, I am here today. He is my path out of my suffering. Hoping you feel better soon. God Bless.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Agreed, this time of year is extra tough. I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. I know what it's like to have that positivity fail you month after month.

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

I'm so sorry for all of your pain. And, I am going to look into the Catholic definition of "family"... I always heard that by joining as husband and wife, you are now a family! Hugs!

Meredith said...

It can be a joyous time of year yet a painful time of year for all the IF couples out there. My heart reaches out to you and my prayers are with you.

St. Rita's Roses said...

Your post really hit me...I have been thinking alot of "family" or lack of.....My heart is aching with you! I understand...

surpriseofunfolding said...

sending you hugs - you are dealing with a lot of disappointment and stress right now. This is when it's hard to believe that "this too shall pass" ... yet it will.

In the meanwhile, I hope love from your IRL family and friends and from your blog friends will help a bit.

(((more hugs)))

Kelly said...

Sorry for all you are going through. You are in my prayers!

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

I know I am late reading. I just hope today that you are smiling. I love the way you expressed yourself...i feel that too but it seems that you expressed it so much better. Hugs. Praying for you and with you:)

Tim Grubb said...

Hey there,
I just ran across this post after searching for a Catholic definition of "family." For any other readers who decide to read the post and comments, some clarification appears to be in order. The above cites the CCC: "A man and woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family". This statement does not require or imply the necessity of having children in order to have a family. It merely posits, and could be restated to say, that a man and woman united in marriage are a family, along with any children that they may have. In other words, any children from this union are also members of this family.
Peace,
Tim