Saturday, February 27, 2010

Updating....

I have so many things going on in my mind every day of things that I want to get on here to say, but I just never get to it! ..

I got a call from my Dr, on Thursday letting me know that they got all my results back, and there is nothing serious going on, but we need a follow up appointment. So good news! I'm not dying at least! But I am a little nervous about what she did find. I know there is something wrong. You just can't go 5 years without getting pregnant if nothing is wrong. So my follow up appointment is on Wed. I can't wait to find out what is going on so we can hurry up and fix it!

I'm sitting here laughing at my doggy, he's so cute! He's barking at E to play with him, he hops up and down and has this little bark.. lol he is hilarious!

So I've been wanting to rant on about this horrible commercial I have seen. It is about a non surgical way to keep from ever getting pregnant again. In the commercial they have this family playing, a mom, dad, and 2 kids. The mom is going on and on about how she wants to be a "good mother" and doesn't want to "miss out" on her kids life, so they just cant have anymore children.
the slogan is something like " When your family is complete... " Honestly it makes me just sick that they are promoting this stuff! The media is so against family it is sick. Then they have a commercial about animals being neglected and in need... I'm all for taking care of animals, I love them, and would never want any animal to be hurt, but come on! What about all the children out there who have no one? who's parents and guardians are abusing them! You don't ever see these commercials about pro-life, or about children in America that need help. It is a sad sad thing I think.

Anyway.. 2 amazing things happened this week. 1st My friend had her baby girl, Selena Rose! I am so excited for her. This is her 2nd child, she has a little boy who is very excited to have a sister! :) 2nd my little sister found out that she is expecting another girl! This will be her 3rd girl! I know they were hoping for a boy this time.. but everyone is very excited for another girl!

So my hormones were outta control this week.. G called E and I got on the phone for a little bit, but G wasn't wanting to talk to me.. he only wanted to talk to his daddy, and I got a little upset, maby more than I should have. But it is really hard being this far away from G and I know he really misses his daddy. But then the next day we all got on the Web-Cam and G was all talkative and happy. So that made me feel a little better! .. lol I know I'm a big baby..
We have untill June till we get to see him again. We can't afford the plane tickets now for Spring Break. He can't fly by him-self, so one of us needs to fly with him. It is just to much right now and then to do it again in June.. He'll be with us for the entire summer though. I can't wait for that! :)

So tonight E and I are just hanging out with Scrappy. Tomorrow I have lunch with my good friend. I can't wait for that! I haven't seen her in a while.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Feeling Sorry for myself!

So, I'm sitting here with my hot cocoa and Reese's after a meltdown today after I got home from the Dr. office. It had nothing to do with the Dr. not really, I'm about to start my period, and I just can't stand it! I'm waiting for the day when I'm late and I can freak out and be all excited that maybe just maybe we'll be having a baby on the way... I missed work yesterday b/c of the passing out episode, so today is my first day back without my best friend. This is my 3rd friend to leave work to go have a baby! Everyone it seems has baby's even the younger girls that I know. Then the older ladies show off pics of there grand kids... Will I ever be able to do that?? I came home and once E started talking to me my eyes started to well up with tears. He is so great, he let me talk, and then he went to the store for me to get my chocolate. :)

Today I had to go get the ultrasound of my thyroid, we are hoping nothing is wrong, but my sister had thyroid cancer that they just took out this year, and my Dr. said that mine is swollen and it is definitely worth checking out. They also did an ultrasound of my pelvic area, which was sucky.. I had to drink 48 oz of water an hour before the apt and wasn't allowed to pee! that was bad for me, b/c I have a tiny bladder.. I had to go so bad, the girls at the office were very nice and got me in as fast as possible.. Then they did a vaginal ultrasound. This was weird, but wasn't to bad.

I guess I'm just nervous as to what they will find, or not find.. What is wrong with me? It has been 5 years! That is a very long time, and I've never even had a "scare" never been a day late on my periods nothing. Most of the time I'm ok, but today everything just hit me. My friends are all gone having babies, I'm all alone....

Sorry this is so depressing today. Now I am going to watch Becoming Jane.. I love that movie. It's a cry movie.. sometimes it feels good to let it all go..

Monday, February 22, 2010

Ick!

Today I had to go get some blood work done to check my thyroid, and cholesterol, and a bunch of other stuff my doc wants to get checked out. So I'm sitting there as they are taking , and I did you not, 8 vials of blood.. I started to feel very weird, I got hot and started to get dizzy, I almost passed out!. The nurse had to stop taking the blood to get a cold compress to put on my head, they made me lay down and I just started crying! I have never had this happen before ever! I was so scarred, I had been fasting all night and into the morning, but I think that it was just that they had to take so much blood.. It was gross, I could hear the blood going into the vials.. Eww!
Tomorrow I am going to another place to get a sonogram on my thyroid and my pelvis, and vaginal area. I have never had this done before either, so I am a little nervous! I have to drink 48oz of water 1 hour before. I don't think my bladder will like that! lol ...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

about me

So, I'm pretty new to the whole blogger thing.. I have been blogging for 3 weeks about my quest for weight loss @ http://90daystoslim.blogspot.com/. I am 27 almost 28 in 27 days! E and I have been married 5 years yesterday. :) I am so blessed and lucky to have found him. He's my perfect match!. We have never used any kind of birth control, partly b/c of our Catholic faith, and here we are 5 years later, no baby in sight. Never any miscarages. Nothing. I've had a few meltdowns over the years, but I know that God has a plan for us, and we just have to wait for the future.

E has a son, G, who is 8 & 1/2. He's amazing. We had a tough time at first, but G and I have become very close. His mother moved him accross the country though a year and a half ago. It was mutual from all of us, that this was the right thing for G. The schools are better and my family is only 2 hours away from where they moved. We plan on moving closer if the housing market ever picks up! We are trying to get a loan mod so we can rent our home and move outta here.
Sometimes I get so upset that E and I will never be able to share this amazing gift of having a child together. He understands my pain, and the infertility effects him to a point, but I feel that since he already knows what it is to have a child who loves you and can't wait to see you, who jumps from the car to hug you and can't wait to tell you everything, that he doesn't fully understand. This is the hardest part for me I think. Just knowing that he has this experience, and I might never be able to.

I was on Clomid for a few months last year, but nothing happend. My Dr. went to a new office that doesn't take my insurance, so I have been trying to find a new one. Last week I found the most amazing Dr.! She is fantastic! She realy took the time to listen to me and ask lots of questions. I am getting blood work done on Monday, I am also getting an ultrasound of my thyroid, and my pelvic area. My thyroid is swollen, and that may or may not be why I can't lose weight and can't get pregnant. I am going to have a pap test done in the next few weeks also. Hopefully we can figure out what is going on, and hopefully it is nothing to major!