Monday, March 29, 2010

ahh Monday

Love Mondays! NOT! getting up in the morning is just so not fun.. Now I am not drinking coffee anymore, and I have a huge migrain. Work was just horrible today. Because I am leaving,my mgr has no interest in helping me at all. I'm still there working my butt off to hit my goal. I care about doing my best at work, even if I don't care for the company that much. It still reflects my character. Oh well.. only a few more days left here! I'm pretty excited about the new job startin next Monday.
I'm off to do my yoga! Happy Monday everyone! :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Maby I should give up FB?

After E and I went to the farmers market today, I came home to relax. So of course I get online and jump on my FB page. New announcements of pregnancies are all over the place! One is G's mother. She finally told the world of their pregnancy. Went on and on about how excited G is. Then her stupid friends put on there "you deserve this more than anyone!" ICK! I just want to throw up reading that. I know I should hide her, but it is kinda my sick way of keeping tabs on her... I know it's horrible, but she does the same thing. Then a few other people putting ultrasound pics up, going crazy about baby stuff, morning sickness.. everything! I should just get rid of the whole thing. But I do love the Vampire Wars game! lol and this is the only way I keep in touch with my family while we are living in this horrible place.
My friend today told me that she would be my surrogate if I wanted her to be! lol she is so great! I didn't tell her that I would not be doing that, because it is not in following with the Catholic Faith. But I said that would be nice, Then she tells me that she makes the cutest babies, and that she would make sure I had the cutest one! :) Thank goodness for friends like that! She always knows how to make me smile.

I just wanted to say now that I am so gratefull for these blogs. This has become my safe haven. I can say how I'm feeling and other people understand! I don't have to hold anything back that I don't want to.
And I wanted to share this passage that I read the other day.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
" We give thanks to the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is our Father Who shows us loving-kindness and our God Who gives us comfort. He gives us comfort in our troubles. Then we can comfort other people who have the same troubles. We give the same kind of comfort God gives us. As we have suffered much for Christ and have shared in His pain, we also share His great comfort. "

It makes me think about these blogs, it is the same thing. We all have the same "troubles" and we are here to comfort eachother, to show God's love to eachother. We all have the same pain, and in that we can help eachother.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

God's work in our lives.

Today is CD1. totally sucks! Right during work today.. my cramps were sooooo bad for a while. I knew it was coming, so I wasn't as depressed this time. But still, there was a moment, when my mgr was talking to me about the 2 girls at work who just had their babies. Going on and on about how cute they are. And they are really adorable babies, but sometimes it just makes me feel like throwing something and telling everyone to shut up about babies already! Ok, sorry for that one!

I am going to be starting a new job on April 5th. I'm kinda excited about it. I am ready for a new company. I have been at my current employer for 3 years, and with the expansion of our company things have changed for the worse. So I actually got a job offer about a month ago. They didn't offer me enough $$ to leave so I turned them down.. twice. They called me last week and offerd me a pretty decent deal. And besides the pay, they have an office in the city where we want to move to, so I can transfer when we are ready! It is realy nice to see everything coming together for E and I. We have been praying for a way to help us to be able to move, and this is one giant step for us! Now we have to sell our house, and E has to find a job in that city. I know the right one is out there, and when the timing is right, it will present itself.

Monday, March 22, 2010

no saggy boobs!

So, I've been thinking... If I can never have children "naturally" what would be the plus side to this? Well I can think of only one, and that is by breasts will be purky long after my "fertile" friends are! And that I think makes this a little bit easier to handle :)

Friday, March 19, 2010

re-cap, and St. Joseph's feast day!

I know I've been away for a while. This week I've been realy tired. Getting to bed to late, Dr. apt. It's been hard to get online and make time to put all my thoughts together. First I want to say I don't know what happend to my spell check. So I appologize for my appalling spelling. :)

I had my appointment with the Endocrinologist on Wed. What a big fat waste of time and money! The office was dissorganized and the receptionists were rude! I had gotten a call early in the day that they checked my insurance and it had been canceled! What! I almost lost it. I was already having a bad day, which I'll get into later. I talked to my HR dept and they said everything should be fine, b/c I pay for the insurance out of my check, so I should call the 800# on the back of my card. I did and everything was fine! So I called the office back and the receptionist argued with me for 5 min about it. She kept insisting that she called and it was cancelled, I kept telling her that she called the wrong # and I gave her the correct # to call. I advised her that she needed to call again because everything was fine. She said she would call me back. But of course I didn't hear anything from her at all!
So I get to the office, sign in and they acted like nothing had been wrong. Oh my gosh! what the heck is wrong with these people? Finally after waiting for 40 min I see the Dr. He was very pleasant but told me absolutly nothing I didn't realy already know. He explained the Hypothyroidism on a dry erase board like it was a football play or something. Then he says " I see you have cysts all over your ovaries, you definatly have pcos" .. I'm like wow, nice doc! .. My primary care doc said she thought I had the pcos, but wasn't positive.. So this was kinda a shock to hear it said to me like that. Then he tells me that he may want to up my dose on the Levothyroxin. I have to get more bloodwork done, and go back in 2 weeks. UGH! I ask about the pcos, and he tells me there is nothing to worry about. It doesn't effect me unless I want to get pregnant, and then I should see a OBGYN. uh hu! what! This guy is crazy. If anyone has pcos they know that it effects alot of things not just your fertility. And the thyroid and the pcos both effect similar things in your body and both need to be taken care of! So I will go back this one time and then talk to my primary care doc. She seems alot more knowledgable than this so called "expert" does.
Earlier that same day I almost died choking on my pills! I am taking the Helidac therapy for the H Palyori? There is this one white pill that always no matter what finds the back of my throat and takes like dirt! It is the most disgusting taste I have ever tasted. So I'm in the lunch room at work, and I'm taking this horrible pill, trying desperatley to get it to miss the back of my throat and just go down, when it gets caught in my throat! I start choking and now I can taste it! I ran to the nearest garbage can and tried to spit it out, I was hacking and dry heaving because of the horrible taste! Half the people in the room left, and a few nice people came over to see if I was ok. I was so embarrised, but I felt nauseous, and I could still taste that awefull taste in my mouth. I was to embarrised to say that I was choking and everyone just thought I had gotten sick. I said it was because of my antibiotics and I just hadn't eaten enough... lol it was kinda the truth. So that combined with the rediculous dr's office, and work... it was just awefull that day.

When I got home that night from the Dr.s office E and I were just hanging out and I started sobbing! I couldn't help it. I was just a wreck from the day and I was thinking about all the things that we have to do now to get pregnant. I don't know.. I just thought that it would just happen naturally and we wouldn't have to go threw much. I figured once we got my thyroid in check all would be well. But that is not the case. Now with the pcos, I have a lot to swallow. I know that things could be worse, alot worse, but the thought that I may not be able to have children naturally is so depressing right now. I felt that I was broken somehow. I felt that there was no hope and everything was wrong. E told me that he married me for me.. not because of my ovaries. That made me laugh then cry because I want to have a child with this man. I want to share everything with him, I want us to make something, someone together... Is that selfish? I'm not sure.. It is realy hard to know that he has had this experience with somone else.. and not even someone who he loved, or married.. And here we are, 6 years into our relationship and totally in love. Shouldn't we be able to show our love in conceving a child together? Maby it isn't as bad as I think, maby this is nothing at all... But it has been 5 years since we were married, have never used birth controll.. Never once have we gotten pregnant. I don't know... I'm still kinda hopeful, but not going to try to be to optimistic about it. I always let myself down when Aunt Flo comes to visit... She is on her way now.. I can feel it. My cycles are normal now. I know when it is time.

I have been doing alot of reading on this, and I am starting a low GI diet. I definatley need to lose weight, to help manage the pcos. But it is extra hard to lose weight because of the pcos and the thyroid. I think the hardest will be to get rid of the coffee. I love the coffee!:) If I can get down to just one day a week.. I'll be good.

Today is my birthday, and St. Joseph's feast day. He is an amazing Saint. I think everyone should become aquainted with him. He is the foster father of all of us! Today is an amazing day to celebrate his life, and ask for special favors. He has helped me and my family alot over the years. Thank you St. Joseph!

Friday, March 12, 2010

My Family, and DMV nightmares

So Today I only worked half a day. My work is not approving overtime, but if you want to work half day Friday and half day Saturday, you can. I opted for this today. I had to go to the DMV to renew my drivers license. NV has these new licenses  with some new fandangled face recognition thing going on, and everyone has to get their licenses changed. So I went in at my normal time of 5am and when I got home around 9:30 this is what I find:
 I know the picture is a litte dark, my phoe kinda sucks. But here is my baby, Scrappy laying on the bed snoring away... Along with my husband. :)  E has been out of work for a few months now. So he and Scrappy get to stay home and sleep in! Not fair... ;)                                                                                   
E went with me to the DMV. We were there for 3 hours! The line was just ridiculous! We went to 2 diff locations  before we found one that had a smaller line. And when I say smaller, I mean the line wasn't around the corner of the building. It just ended At the corner of the building! While we are in line, the guy in front of us sees his long lost buddy, who he just asked to stay in line with him and cut in front of about 10 people! Then he proceded to fart several times while we were in line. You know the silent but deadly ones? Yeah that was them! Then this woman was in line with her twin boys who had to be about 2 or 3 years old. They were super cute, but it must have been naptime, b/c one of the boys screamed and cried the entire time we were in line. I felt bad that she was alone with the 2 boys, but the one just wanted her to hold him and the mom refused! How can you let your child scream like that when he just wants you to hold him? Idk Finnaly right before we got to the Information Desk the boys dad shows up and takes the fussy one. I mean really?? we were in line for like 2 hours! You can't pick up your kid! Ugh! Anyway, Then we had to get our number and wait patiently for it to be called. Fun way to spend my Friday!                                                            

I'm trying to do something with this blog to liven it up a bit. I noticed that it looked very depressing with the Black background and my posts have been pretty dark. I just can't seem to find the right background that fits the mood appropriatley.                                                                                                                               

I have noticed that since I have been taking the Thyroid medication I have been alot more alert and energized throughout the day. I think it is the medication, I mean I am working out, but I'm not sure which one or maby both are doing this miraculous thing! Usually I am so sluggish during the day, that sometimes it is hard to keep my eyes open. But the past week I have been feeling great! I mean I get up at 3:50am everymorning! I barely need coffee anymore! Which might be a good thing, b/c I have heard that to much caffine has a hand in infertility problems.  If this is true I am not realy sure. But I'm willing to follow any "helpful" advice out there. :)                                                                                                                                                     
So I'm off to do my workout, and tonight my show is on. I am secretly addicted to Ghost Whisperer. I love that show! It is so cheesy, but I love Jennifer Love Hewitt, and the storylines aren't that bad... E hates the show. lol     Well have a good Friday everyone!                                                                                           







A step mom's tale of infertility and other crazy life happenings.
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A New Day

I've been doing allot of thinking today. I'm not angry, I'm a little sad, but not angry. I know in my heart that this is God's will. That everything is happening because He wills it to be so. On my way to work, I was flipping threw the radio and this amazing song came on the christian station. I have never heard it before and do not know the artist or the name of the song, but it really hit home for me. God is there for us threw everything and will never leave our side no matter what. During work I had all these insighful thoughts to share, but now I'm much more peaceful about this , and none of it seems to matter anymore. This is what He wants. I am just praying that I will have the strength to accept God's will for us.
I have my appointment with the Endocrinologist on March 17th. So until then I will have to wait to see what else is going on with my body.

I talked to my step-dad today and he tells me that we need to start the adoption process b/c then we will get pregnant! He knows people who have started to or have adopted and got pregnant right away! lol. I told him I'd think about it, but I don't think it works if you do it just to get pregnant and have no intention of adopting.. Gotta love family!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Results! dun dun dun....

Well, I'm not dying! lol. I got my results back from my doc. I'm slowly falling apart. Apparently I have a slow thyroid (duh!). This is why I am such a chub-a-lub! I have done everything to lose weight and it has been such a struggle for me since I gained so much a few years back. So, I also have a little high cholesterol, I'm overweight, I'm pre-diabetes, I might have PCOS, and my thyroid is also a little abnormal. So I have gotten a referal to a specialist to check my thyroid. My doc said that it is not enlarged, but is abnormal and needs to bee checked, and hopefully that if "something" is there we caught it early. Also the specialist will be checking to see about the PCOS. I went to the dermatologist in Dec. and she thought I might have it, but the blood work came back negative. My family doc said that it looks to be like the beginning of pcos. GREAT!!!!
Oh, did I mention I have a bug in my stomach?? I have been very gassy for a while and my blood work was checked and now my doc put me on an antibiotic for 2 weeks. Its called H Pylori.... I've never heard of it before, but you can get it anywhere, which is kinda scary. It could be in the food you eat, or it can be passed on by sharing food or drinks with other people. I don't share anything with anybody! So I must have gotten it by food.. ugh!

My doc also put me on thyroid medication. So I'm taking Levothyroxin... ( that's a mouthful) .
Should help me lose weight, which will be so nice. And after my test results come back from my pap test my doc wants me to see a specialist for the infertility.

I've been so blessed to find such a wonderful doctor! She is great, she is so funny, but most important she listens to my concerns and is very helpful. She is the first one to suggest getting checked for so many things! I'm just glad that we are catching everything now and not when it gets to be a bigger problem.

So... for my weight loss goals, I'm blogging about that, but my doc is actually doing the same program! lol it is pretty funny, she called me today to see how I was doing and to give me some encouragement with the workouts..

So that's it for now, I have to go workout and watch CSI.. love that show!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A new day

Last night E and I went to go see a talk @ our church by a man named David Parkes. The night started out with the Rosary.. I felt a little like my mother dragging my step-dad to some crazy church function, lol ! We were the youngest people there, so I was a little worried how this was going to turn out. I figured since it is Lent we need to do something spiritual together. But the night turned out to be Amazing! This man gave a little bio of his life, how he fell away from the Church, was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and after 12 years of living with that he was healed on a trip to Medjugorje. His talk was short, but the night was about the power of prayer threw song. This man surprised us with his beautiful voice. He would give a little talk, and then sing something amazing, and it was to bring us closer to God, and to find some sense of healing in ourselves. E and I left there with an overwhelming sense of love, and hope. It was such an awesome experience to be in prayer like that. David Parkes travels around the world giving these talks. So If he comes to your area, go see him! :)

Tomorrow I am going to the Dr. office for my test results. I'm very anxious to find out what the heck is going on! I already know that I do not ovulate every month, but we tried Clomid already and that didn't work, I just feel that there is something else... But this month is a very special month for me. It is my B-day month, and it is the month to celebrate the life of St. Joseph.
St. Joseph is my patron Saint. While my mother was pregnant with me, she and my dad were going threw a divorce. My mom prayed to St. Joseph to watch over me and be my dad b/c she knew I wouldn't have one here. I was born on his feast day, and my name means "lilly" , and St. Joseph is always shown with lilly's .. I know its not much, and maby a little silly, but it really means something special to me. My entire life I have had a special devotion to him. Whatever I have prayed for, he has helped me. I have started a 30 day Novena to St. Joseph this month. And I am looking forward to the graces that I will find at the end of this prayer. :)