Well, I've had my doctors appointment and the news is so,so. After all the blood drawing (which left me black and blue) we finally got all the results in. My Progesterone is very low, and my Estrogen levels are within the normal range, but on the low end. According to my bloodwork and charts I did ovulate, just the day after my charts show that I did. So, to help with this "hormone" problem, my doc put me on 3 medications. Starting P+3-12 I am to take Prometrium 200mg, and Estradiol 1mg. Then only after a negative pregnancy test I am to take 8 (no that is not a typo) Femera 2.5mg tablet, on day 2 of my cycle. I'm currently on day 10. Yikes! The day of the appointment I was very upset, I'm not sure why, but all I could think was that I'll be taking pills forever and taking a pg test for no reason every month. Of course my doc isn't very sensitive and he again tells me that after 6 months if I'm not pg then surgery should be my next step. He is still convinced that I have endo. Any of you endo girls out there know if there is any way to be diagnosed with it instead of having surgery? It just seems like he might be jumping the gun here, but of course I'm not a doctor, and I do have some sypmtoms...
Also, I am to get a hsg? test to make sure my tubes aren't blocked, and he wants E to take a test to check his spermies.. I think we are going to wait on that for another month or so. Our insurance is not very good, and I don't think that they cover those kind of procedures.
I'm not very into this doc of mine, but I only went to him b/c I know that he follows the Churches teachings and he uses the Crighton charts as well. If I don't get pg by the end of this "pill popping" phase, I am definatley going to find a new doctor. He just doesn't seem like he is really there for you, it's like he is all buisness. He tries to make jokes, but he is very dry and just comes accross as a little wierd. I think I might have just been spoiled b/c my last doc was wonderful! She was the one who found the pcos and everytime I left her office I just wanted to hug her and thank her for being so helpful. But we'll see what happens here.
My Familia class is going well. The last class we had was hard for me. There is so much in the book and in the Catechism that says that the love between a husband and wife brings about the fruit of a child, or some crap like that. It's not all that it says but the fact that those words are even in there, just get under my skin and makes it really hard for me at some of our meetings. The last one we had was last week and one of the girls is pg we'll call her J(she is married to my cousin B, and his sister A is the one who is running this class) We had a baby shower for J, A didn't want to have it b/c J is going crazy about her pregnancy, but we all brought gifts and had cake and snacks.. it was nice. But J is tactless. She just says the most irreverant things and her own sister in law A can't have children! A has an adoptive son, but there is no way that they can have children naturally. And J was just out of controll about her pregnancy at the meeting. Afterwards A asked me how I was able to keep it together and how am I able to keep coming to these meetings? Some of the teachings have been really hard. A said that when she was in my spot, there was no way she could have come to these meetings. Even now she said that if I weren't there, it would be way harder for her also. I don't know... I love getting together with these women (none of them are disrespectful or say things that would upset me except J) I think that some of the teachings have helped me with Gabe and E. And also my little sister L goes to the classes with me, and if I weren't going, she would't be there. And she needs to go. So I am doing this for her, and even though there are some rough times for me, I am going to be a better wife to E and mother to G. Even if I am only a part time mom, I am trying to make the most of it.
Sometimes I feel like, how in the world could E have had a baby with a woman whom he hates and wasn't even in love with, and here I am his wife and our love isn't great enough to bring a baby into this world together. I know that is crazy talk, but I can't help that it is still going threw my mind occasionally. Oh well, it isn't my decision to have a baby or not, it is God's. I just pray that this regimine that I'm now on will work.
I want to leave you with a quote that was in my Familia book, it is when the angel Gabriel is telling Mary that she will concieve a son, and she asks how can this be
" The holy Spirit will come upon you"- your motherhood will not be the consequence of matrimonial "knowledge" but will be the work of the Holy Spirit."
This just really spoke to me being a step-mother and facing the possibility of never having my own children. And also anyone who has adopted or is trying to adopt,I think this just summs it all up!