Hey! So I'm sure I owe an explanation for my very long absence. But first I have to say Congrats to all of you who are now expecting or have had their babies! Wow I'm so super excited for all of you :)
Also I'm surprised at how many bloggers have gone private! So now I have no idea whats up with all of you. So if you've gone private and are following me, please contact me so I can continue to follow, if you'd like! Thanks :)
So..... Here we go, this is going to be a little long, so I'm pretty sure this will be in 2 posts.
After the whole Mothers Day fiasco, I just decided that I couldn't do this anymore. I was to depressed and upset all the time about everything baby related, that I just didn't want to see or hear any more good news. Also I just didn't want to hear about how many IFers out there were feeling the same way that I was. It made me even more depressed. I just wanted to forget all about IF and ignore everything that had to do with it.
Then our computer broke, so it was easy for me to just up and quit blogging. I thought about posting a goodbye post, but I just felt at the time I needed to go cold turkey. I was crying after Church b/c of all the new moms that were there. At the pool over the summer there was this woman who's daughter is friends with my neice, so we saw her every time we were there, but she was pregnant with her 3rd baby and not only was she super tiny and cute, she had this little baby bump showing off in her bikini, and always said "Oh, I'm just so excited to be pregnant again! I love being pregnant!" UGH!!! Gag me already... I couldn't stand it! I thought I was getting away from pregnant people and IF, but it kept popping up everywhere!
The summer wasn't all bad, Gabe finally got his First Holy Communion! He was so excited, and just glowed! We had a big party for him, and since he recieved his First Communion on July 3rd, we got to go to our community's fireworks that night. Gabe said that they were for him, b/c God was so happy that he finally got to recieve Him. :) I just love that kid! :)
By the end of the summer I was not thinking about IF at all. I kept praying every week, that I would be able to accept God's will for my life. If I were to be just a step-mom and Aunt, then so be it. I just wanted to be ok with my life. I prayed for peace, I prayed for patience. I still prayed to be able to have children, but only if it were God's will for me. I was finally getting to a good place, but I was still taking the Progesterone, and Estradial, and getting my blood checked all the time.
At my Dr's apt in July I told Dr M that I didn't want to do this anymore. It was to expensive to continue and I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep putting my body threw this. Dr M said that he would respect my decision, but said that he thought it was a good idea for me to continue taking the Progesterone. I could stop taking the other medication, and I didn't need to get my blood drawn anymore. But if I were to get pregnant my body would reject it if I weren't taking the Progesterone. So he suggested that I continue taking the P for a few more months, and if by then I wasn't pregnant, and we wanted to take a break, then we would stop all medication.
I agreed and thought that this was just a big waste of time and money. But he had a good point.
So July came and went and it was time for AF to show up, I was feeling wierd. I don't know how to explain it... I just knew something was going on with my body that wasn't normal for me. The day came in my cycle for AF to show up and I spotted that day. I told E that I thought I might be pg b/c I've never spotted before on the first day of my cylce, and I was just feeling wierd! He said he thought so to, and I should go test. But, I was not very optomistic and said that if I didn't have a "real" period in the next 2 days then I wasn't testing b/c it would be a waste of money on a pg test. The next day I had a full on period. Strangly enough I wasn't that upset. I thought well, I knew it, it couldn't happen to me.
But then things got strange for me. My period only lasted 2 days and completely stopped. Then 3 days later I started spotting again. I was so tired all the time, and my stomach hurt, almost like cramps but not so severe. I was spotting for 2 weeks and finally I called S the Creighton lady. The first thing she said was did I think I was pregnant? I said no way b/c I had had a period. It was strange but I had one. So she said she would bring a copy of my chart to Dr M and see what he thought, and would call me back in a day or two.
So, this is where I leave you for now. I've got so much more to tell you all! I promise I will be back!