I always thought that I would be a stay at home mom. How much fun to stay home to just take care of your little one, and do awesome things like going to the park,zoo, bookstore,coffee shop, hairdresser? Those were my big dreams :) I know kinda silly, but I have been so excited to do all of those things with my baby. The problem is, Gemma is a BABY!!! lol she can't do any of those things yet! She is also a very demanding baby. She yells a lot when she's tired or your not paying enough attention to her, or she's hungry or mad, or pretty much all the time. No it's not colic. We thought maybe it was at first, but according to our pediatrition she's happy to often for it to have been colic. But that's way off topic here... sorry, it's late and this is the only time I have to get on the computer! (Besides FB where my I can just "like" everything and post pics from my phone)
I had planned on staying home with Gemma. But life is funny like that and changes things on ya. We weren't doing well financially with E being in this new job he is only in training till Aug, and get's not nearly as much pay as he will get once he's out of the training. So.... me taking off work for maternity leave really put us behind. I had originally decided to take 8 weeks and see how we did financially and if we were ok, I would stay home. But with Gemma's surgury and her after care, I ended up taking 11 weeks. And I had to go back. We crunched numbers and got rid of anything that we could of, but still we needed me to go back to work.
Now I only work part time at this job, so I'm not bringing in much $ but enough to pay for grocery's at least.
My first day back to work, I almost didn't make it. I was so nervous about leaving Gemma and was wondering how she was all day. It was terrible. I cried! But of course Gemma was ok. My sister is watching her, so I was comfortable with the idea of a family member watching her. But still.... it was hard. But as the weeks have gone by, I've really enjoyed getting out of the house, and relaxing at work 2 days a week! Really I can relax at work! lol No I don't have a super relaxing job, but not having a baby attached to you all day once in a while is kinda nice. Is that horrible of me to think that? I get 8 hours twice a week to be me. I can listen to loud music in the car, I can have a quiet car ride if I want to! It's just kinda nice.
But, the second day that I'm at work, I'm ready to go back home. It's to much being away from Gemma for all that time. Even though I enjoy my me time, I need to be with her.
I also enjoy being able to bring in a little of my own money. I am not at all a feminist in the least, but being able to say that I can buy my own things with my own money is so empowering. And I hate that word! lol But it is! I never realised it untill now, when I'm not brining in much at all. I've always worked, and untill this job, I've always worked full time.
So here is my dilema. My sister is watching Gemma. She is in college, and has the summer off. She is going back to school next month and is not sure if she can continue watching Gemma or not. I have the option at work to cut my hours even more if I want to. I also have the option of staying home, b/c E will be making more $ by then. E wants me to stay home with Gemma. I want to stay home, but I also feel that my emotional health is requiring me to work at least one half day! But of course what a waste of gass money that would be. I could spend that money on a Caramel Mocha instead!
So I'm not sure if I want to find someone to watch Gemma so I can still work, or if I'm just going to stay home with her and hopefully get out of the house sometimes.
Are any of you with babies still working? what do you all think about this?
I think I know what I'm going to do, but I hate making such a decision.