Sunday, August 5, 2012

Decision Made

So I finally came to a decision... I am going to be a stay at home mamma!!! I made it harder than it needed to be. I dont do well with change first of all and I hate feeling like Im letting people down. Im not going to apologize for feeling like I needed a break. For me after all we went through I think I deserved some time of my own. At least for my own sanity. I first felt that I should stay working because I felt that in this economy I am lucky to have a job and I didnt want to squander an opportunity that the Lord gave me.. but he also gave me Gemma! Then I really had needed some me time. I really did. I cant describe how bad off I was emotionally. I mean as soon as Gemma was born she was taken from me and I wasnt able to be with her for the first day of her life! I also had my own recovery to deal with. It was not easy for me at all. I believe I had a mild case of post partum. It lasted for the first 8 weeks. I didnt feel anything after I gave birth. And then I couldnt even bond with Gemma for 3 days. I didnt have time to recover physically either. And then when I should have been getting back to normall hormone wise Gemma had her surgery. So I had another week of emotional issues. So that is my story. I had to take it all and think about what the Lord put in my path. He gave me Gemma to take care of and He gave me just enough time to get myself back so I can take care of her the way I need to. I am very excited to stay home. :) Im glad I got the time to go back to work and now I can just focus on my baby. This is how its suppose to be for us. God gives us all a different path to take and this is mine. I pray for the grace to be the person He wants me to be :) Oh I am posting this from my phone so Im sorry abot the punctuation and spelling!

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